Aunt excludes 'badly behaved' niece from special kids vacation; sister is furious. AITA?

There are few things more awkward than telling a parent you think their kid is badly behaved, particularly if you have no kids of your own. It's only natural for someone to feel defensive, after being confronted with the notion that they're bad parents.

But the defensiveness doesn't change the fact that they might, in fact, be enabling behavior that will hurt their kid down the line.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her sister she won't bring her niece on future trips due to her behavior.

She wrote:

AITA for refusing to bring my sister’s child on a vacation when the cost isn’t an issue and I am already bringing my brother’s children?

While me and my husband are childless and don’t want any kids of our own, we love to spend time with our nieces and nephews. This includes my brother’s 11-year-old son Allan, 6-year-old daughter Ava, and my sister’s 10-year-old daughter Kelly. Last May, we planned a weekend trip with the kids to a beach town about an hour away.

We did this to spend time with them and also to confirm if they would be ready for longer overnight trips, and we’d also be within driving distance of home if any of them needed to go home early. Me and my husband expected that Ava may have had a hard time being away from her parents overnight since she’s still 6. But both she and Allan were well-behaved the whole trip.

Kelly however misbehaved for the entirety of the beach trip: Friday: Pick-up from their parents’ houses around 5 and got to the beach town by 7. During the car ride, Kelly was being an instigator and kept trying to start a fight with Allan. Kelly was not listening at the grocery store and refused to take turns with Allan and Ava with the TV.

Saturday: Kelly threw a fit because she wanted ice cream and we told her that we wouldn’t be going to the ice cream store until later. We told her she could have fruit for a snack if she was hungry and Kelly threw some of the fruit in the trash before my husband stopped her. At the beach, Kelly kept re-filling the hole Ava was trying to dig with sand despite being told multiple times to stop.

Kelly kept trying to start fights with her cousins. During dinner, Kelly was rude to our waitress and was sarcastic the first time we told her to apologize.

Sunday: At the gift store, Kelly wanted to have a conch shell and a mermaid doll but didn’t have enough pocket money to get both. When we told Kelly she would need to pick one and couldn’t have both, she ended up being allowed to have neither because she kept throwing a fit.

At the hotel, Kelly was not listening and kept trying to watch TV despite being told multiple times to help with packing suitcases. During the car ride home, Kelly was again being an instigator and kept trying to start fights with Allan and Ava. Me and my husband told my sister that Kelly was not coming on any more overnight trips with us because of her behavior.

My sister is angry now because we haven’t changed our minds and are staying true to our word by only bringing Allan and Ava to our week-long trip in August. My sister told me that Kelly is just acting like a kid and she’s only 10. I agreed with my sister that, exactly, Kelly is a 10-year-old. There’s a reason we waited until the kids got to their current ages.

She’s too old to be constantly misbehaving and throwing fits like a 4-year-old. She says Allan and Ava may be mature/calm for their ages but I am out of line to punish Kelly for not being the exception to her age and she hopes me and my husband feel good about ourselves after excluding a child. Is my sister right that we’re the AHs?

People had a lot to say about this awkward sibling confrontation.

Electronic_Fox_6383 wrote:

You are 100% NTA. You are aunt and uncle of the year, omg. Don't worry about your sister either. She's just upset that you are being a better parent to her child - by sticking to your word - than she is capable of being.

inFinEgan wrote:

NTA at all. They raised a brat. Now they have to deal with the consequences of that. My guess is that she throws a lot of tantrums at home and they placate her by giving her whatever she wants. Also, being an only child likely hasn't helped.

Silverkekoa wrote:

NTA - her parents have excused her bad behavior to the point a 6-year-old acted better than a 10-year-old. This is beyond 'being an exception to their age' unless there is a developmental delay not noted in the post? If so, then it may just not be the right time for overnight trips for her.

You are not obligated to put up with bad behavior when trying to do something fun and nice for your nephews and nieces. She is learning that her actions have consequences.

reenaltransplant wrote:

NTA. You don’t owe your nieces and nephews vacations. Kelly didn’t earn the privilege. Allan and Ava did. Leave her the opportunity to show she’s changed in the future, and maybe she’ll catch the next vacation.

artnerdangst wrote:

NTA it sounds to me like Kelly has a case of only child syndrome. I don’t blame you for not wanting to be responsible for her on overnight trips anymore. You made it clear what your reasons were. If your sister wants to be upset, she can be but you did the right thing.

OP is most definitely NTA, if anything, she's an aunt that goes above and beyond.