'AITA because I got my daughter an $80 dress as a thanks for babysitting on vacation?'
"AITA because I got my daughter an $80 dress as a thanks for babysitting on vacation?"
My family just got back from a week-long cruise, and there is still some tension about this. My wife and I took our 20-year-old son, 16-year-old daughter, 13-year-old son and 7-year-old son. Our oldest spent most of his time on vacation doing his thing, having breakfast and dinner with the family but being seldom seen otherwise.
My wife and I enjoyed spending time with our kids, but we also did some couple's activities. There are clubs on the boat for kids, and our 13-year-old really enjoyed them, but our 7-year-old didn't and kept wanting to spend the day with his sister, who we'd given carte blanche to do her own thing as long as she ate with us and answered when we messaged her.
She was a good sport and took her little brother on most of her adventures, swimming with him, taking him to trivia and doing the animation classes with him. I felt like this was very sweet of her and showed a great deal of maturity. The second to last day of the cruise I took her to the gift shop and told her to pick out whatever she wanted as thanks for looking after her brother.
She was very excited and ended up picking out a dress. The dress was $80. She wore it to dinner that night, and when she told her mom I bought it for her my wife gave me a weird look. After dinner, she asked me why the hell I did that. I explained that it was a reward for looking after her brother. She said we can't buy an $80 dress for our daughter and nothing for our sons.
I said we didn't get them nothing; we took them on a cruise. My wife said I'm an idiot. I don't think so. We got some trinkets for the younger boys, about $20 worth of stuff. My wife thinks I f#$ked up and said I should apologize to the boys. I refuse. We took our adult son on a vacation that cost thousands of dollars, he has no reason to resent his sister being rewarded for being thoughtful.
If we got our 7-year-old and 13-year-old a really expensive souvenir, it would probably be lost or broken. She still thinks I was an @$$hole though.
Clarification: A lot of commenters seem to think we asked our daughter to babysit her brother. That's not really the case. What kept happening was that she would tell us her plans for the day and 7yo would say he'd rather do that than go to the kid's club, and she would agree to let him come with her. So it was more just her being a nice sister than actual babysitting.
She always had the ability to drop him off at the club. That's why I wanted to reward her, because I thought it was so sweet of her not to do that and to make her brother feel good about his cool older sister wanting to hang out with him.
People jumped in with all of their thoughts.
CaliforniaJade wrote:
Green flag, green flag! What a thoughtful way to acknowledge your daughter. You're right, your 20-year-old son got a free vacation as did your 13-year-old and 7-year-old. Your daughter graciously did a service for the family. NTA. Your wife does not seem to want to recognize that your 16-year-old daughter is not the built-in babysitter.
What extra service did her brothers do to warrant extra gifts? At least she didn't make a scene in front of your daughter and addressed it with you privately. Just read your edit, I think I like your daughter even more. No one asked her to watch her brother, she was just nice enough not to say no when he said he wanted to hang out with her.
redianne wrote:
If your wife is concerned about all of her children getting an 'equal treatment' this should also include their responsibilities. It was very sweet of your daughter to spend time with her brother and allowing you and your wife to have some alone time.
I've seen this very often (and I have experienced it first hand) that the women in a family are expected to contribute as caregivers for the elderly and the youngest in the family. The fact you acknowledge her work is very valuable and sets her a great example. NTA.
Bethsmom05 wrote:
NTA. Your daughter very sweetly provided babysitting so you and your wife had time to yourselves. The dress was a very reasonable gift and $80 for a dress isn't bad. Your wife is the YTA if she thinks that babysitting was your daughter's duty because she's a girl.
Own-Brilliant3838 wrote:
NTA. Let’s get this straight, your only daughter, took over the role of mom/babysitter for the week, so you and your wife could enjoy the cruise, while your other boys did what they wanted.
Your daughter stepped up when she didn’t have to, and you chose to reward her, it was not something she expected or had her hand out for. People may disagree, but I think you’re a great dad for acknowledging your daughter’s maturity and selflessness. It’s a shame your wife can’t see that.
Clearly, OP is NTA, and it's strange his wife would even suggest that.