Man leaves vacation after finding he and husband are only family given separate beds.
"AITA for leaving a family vacation early because my husband and I were expected to sleep in different beds?"
For my FIL’s (58M) birthday this year, my MIL (57F) planned a week long trip with their four children (EDIT: my husband is the second-oldest) and their respective partners. They rented out a nice house near the beach and the cost for the Airbnb was split equally between the attending couples.
My husband (31M) and I (29M) drove down there this week and when we arrived in our (EDIT: pre-assigned) room, we were surprised to find two single beds.
At first, we shrugged it off and figured we could simply push them against each other, but we quickly found out that the headboards of the beds were drilled to the wall. (EDIT: The headboards were attached to both the wall and the bed frame. I assume it’s to prevent renters from moving the beds and possibly damaging the flooring etc.)
I asked my MIL why she had chosen a house that didn’t have enough double beds to hold all of the couples that were invited and she told me to stop making a fuss because it wasn’t that big of a deal.
I then asked why she hadn’t mentioned it beforehand and she rolled her eyes at me, saying that I was overly dramatic, a 'walking stereotype' and that me not clinging to her son for a little while might be for the best.
Considering she has made some borderline homophobic comments in the past (she claims they’re jokes), I was quite uncomfortable and based on her remarks, I felt like she had given the room with the single beds to the only gay couple on purpose.
I said that if it wasn’t that big of a deal, surely she and her husband would be happy to switch rooms with us, but she once again told me that I should quit making a fuss and walked away from the conversation.
Afterward, my husband tried talking to his mother but he wasn’t any more successful than I had been and at this point. I was reaching my breaking point, so I asked my husband if he’d like to spend our vacation at a hotel (as we had both taken the week off work anyway). He agreed and we booked ourselves a room at a hotel a few towns away.
My MIL has accused us of ruining her husband’s birthday and 'dividing the family', because two of my husband’s siblings support our decision. My in-laws and the last sibling have been texting me, calling me an AH for turning my husband against his family and egotistically manipulating the vacation.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA, based on her behavior. From what you've said, it does sound like she intentionally gave 'the gay couple' separate beds. You didn't ruin the vacation. Her homophobia did.
The mother-in-law called OP a 'walking stereotype' and said he was 'clinging' to his own husband. I don't understand some of the other comments playing dumb like this wasn't homophobia when it obviously was.
Please keep in mind that I personally don't think this way. Now that that's out of the way, while reading it, my mind immediately went to the stereotype that in gay/lesbian relationships, there must still be a traditional man role and woman role at play.
Like she's insinuating that her son is the man in the marriage and the OP is feminine, more emotional, a drama queen, etc. Belittling and minimizing his very reasonable misgivings about the sleeping arrangements is putting it back on the OP for being 'overly dramatic', 'clingy' and a 'walking stereotype'.
In other words, she's telling him to stop being a sissy or man up, that it's not a big deal in reality. In her narrative, she is blameless, and the OP is just stirring up unnecessary discord while her son is being led astray.
She probably feels this way to rationalize that HER son isn't the 'woman' in the relationship, so that makes him 'less gay' and her homophobic little head doesn't hurt as much.
The OP responded here:
Honestly, I thought that her referring to me as a 'walking stereotype' was just her associating 'unnecessary drama' with gay men in general, but your interpretation makes just as much, if not more sense.
I’ll freely admit that I’m more feminine presenting than my husband (long hair, painted nails, flamboyant fashion) and I guess that it’s quite easy for her to pretend I’m the bad guy corrupting her pure, not quite as gay son.
NTA. If it was not a big thing, MIL could have taken the room herself. She did this on purpose.
You handled that AH well.
NTA. “(She told me) that me not clinging to her son for a little while might be for the best.” This woman is hostile towards you and homophobic. A kind, sensitive person would make sure they DIDN'T give the gay couple the room with two single beds, precisely because they wouldn’t want it to seem intentional.
You felt disrespected because she disrespected you. You don’t have to confront her about it, but you are entirely right to move. Anyone claiming that you ruined the vacation is conflict averse and cowardly.
She committed the offense; you established a boundary. Establishing a reasonable boundary is not being dramatic or or manipulative, but people without the guts to stand up to abuse will always act as if the person who does is the problem, not the abuser. To hell with that.