Mom called out for letting teen have her own room on vacation while others share. AITA?

Hammering out logistics for a vacation can be very stressful, so it's always refreshing when there's a family member who is good at that. However, when the time comes to travel, resentments can mount when the planner claims the best bed.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for letting her teen daughter choose her room first on vacation. She wrote:

"AITA for always letting my middle daughter choose her room/bed first on vacations?"

My husband and I have 4 kids, Evan (20), Adriana (16), Elizabeth (15), and Michael (15). We try to travel 3-4 times a year. Three years ago, the night before we were supposed to leave, my friend told us we couldn’t use her cabin anymore. We were all looking for new places and Adriana sent a listing for this small town in the middle of nowhere.

We ignored it the first few times she sent it but she eventually talked us into looking at it and it was perfect. We paid a little over $200 a night for a beautiful cabin on the lake with a game room and enough beds to allow everyone to get their own bed. The people were great, the drive wasn’t bad, and there was actually a lot of things to do there. It’s become one of our favorite vacation spots.

When Adriana was 14, we pretty much started letting her book family vacations. She had to run everything by us first but she was the one that chose where we went and where we stayed. Her only condition is that she gets first pick for rooms/beds. She’s even booked an international vacation for us, including flights and a rental car. We’ve given the other kids opportunities to help with vacations.

They all know if they can find a place that we’d want to go to and stay within a budget, they can get first dibs if we book it. The problems are that they have a hard time sticking to a budget or they're set on a specific place even if it's not suitable for everyone. They’ll pick a hotel or rental that’s nearly the entire (or over the) vacation budget or doesn’t have enough rooms because it has a specific feature.

Because of this, we almost always go with Adriana's choice. We recently spent 3 nights in a cabin with 3 bedrooms. 2 rooms had a king bed and an en suite. 3rd had 4 twin beds. Adriana chose one of the rooms with the king beds. There was a pull-out couch available but none of them wanted it. After we left, they were upset that Adriana got her own room and bathroom while the rest of them had to share.

I told them they know the deal and that if they can find a place for everyone, stay within budget, and pick a place that we’d all want to go to, they can also choose their room and bed. They say they try but we always pick Adriana’s listings. I told them her listings are usually more practical. We paid a little under $600 for the cabin that we stayed at after taxes and fees.

It had so many free activities nearby that the entire 3-day vacation for 6 people came out to just under $1000. They can’t beat it with a $1800 listing with 2 beds and a single bathroom.

They think we’re being unfair and should rotate who books the vacations and chooses the rooms but I just don’t have that kind of money to throw away and I’m not going to deal with the fighting that’ll inevitably come when they pick a place with not enough beds or bathrooms.

People quickly weighed in.

StAlvis wrote:

YTA.

"When Adriana was 14, we pretty much started letting her book family vacations. She had to run everything by us first but she was the one that chose where we went and where we stayed."

Stop letting her choose places that don't provide equal accommodations for all her siblings.

"We recently spent 3 nights in a cabin with 3 bedrooms. 2 rooms had a king bed and an en suite. 3rd had 4 twin beds."

You never should have signed off on that in the first place.

-Nightopian- wrote:

YTA. It's OK to get the kids involved with planning but you shouldn't let one decide on all the vacations and get the best room just because she's a better financial planner. You're just doing whatever she wants to do and never let the other kids have a choice on where to go.

Let the other kids pick a destination and you help them find a rental that is within your budget of that is problem. And for now on Adriana deserves the smallest room every time.

Active_Tea9115 wrote:

YTA here. Your middle child is good at this stuff and instead of teaching your other two or even having her help out, the middle child finishes obviously every time and you go with it without considering fairness. She’s honestly being mean by forcing her two siblings to bunk while taking the big bed. And she knows it.

Have a rotation on who gets to pick accommodation and don’t let your middle child butt in on it. If it’s unequal and the siblings don’t agree on rooms then don’t just favour the middle child; parent and help make it even. If your other two struggle, help them. Don’t go back on your teenage daughter and say ‘well, you didn’t do well so this is why we’ll go with hers!’

Ok-Guidance-2112 wrote:

YTA. Its almost comical that your kids are directly calling out your favoritism to your face and you think going "get good losers" is actual parenting lol have fun continuing to favor the golden child at the expense of your other children's relationships because you are too lazy to book your own vacation and be the adult.

Gilderan- wrote:

YTA, my parents did basically this exact thing. 4 kids and my older sister always chose. I'm an adult and can be mature about it now but even still, when I think about it my reaction is still being fucking livid before I chill out.

Clearly, OP is TA here, hopefully, she's able to reflect and take accountability.