Man showers GF in presents; 'furious' BILs want apology for making them 'look awful.'
"AITA for sending my girlfriend too many Valentine's day flowers and making her sisters' husbands look bad?"
u/Flower-PowerRanger writes:
To explain where I'm coming from here, I need to establish two things: I have a high-paying job that often requires I drop everything to travel without notice. It is infuriating at times, but I get paid well so I've learned to live with it.
2 - My girlfriend loves flowers more than anything. I get it, most girls love flowers, but they are her favorite thing in the world. She literally makes me stop the car when we're driving just so she can take pictures of pretty flowers.
Early in our relationship, I had to miss something important without notice. To make up for it, I sent her 3 dozen roses. She loved it and (probably as a joke) told me I had set the bar and I had better always send her 3 dozen roses if I was going to let her down.
We've been together 3 years since then, and I have always sent 3 dozen roses whenever we would be apart. It's a tradition and we both love it.
Onto the dilemma - GF got bad news about a family member's health and headed back to her hometown a couple weeks ago; I couldn’t join. Her two sisters came back as well with their husbands.
Valentine's day came around and, although it wasn't my fault we weren't together, I ordered a gift of 3 dozen roses + candy and a stuffed animal. Day of, I got an alert from Fedex of a delayed shipment and panicked - it broke my heart to think she wouldn't get any flowers that day, so I called around to local florists and found one who could deliver them for a fee.
I sent another gift pack of 3-dozen roses. Turns out Fedex managed to deliver the original package. GF ended up with 6 dozen roses, 2 cards, 2 boxes of chocolates and a teddy bear.
She joked that I had now raised the bar and she expected no less than 6 dozen roses any time we were apart. All jokes aside, I could tell she really appreciated the trouble I went through.
The next day, I heard from her sisters' husbands. They were FURIOUS with me, saying I made the both look awful. Turns out one bought his wife a leftover bouquet of half-dead tulips, and the other didn't get his wife anything at all. I guess they both were going to use the commotion as an excuse?
My GF ended up sharing her roses with both of her sisters so they all could feel special, but it was clear they were all from me.
My instinct was to take a victory lap, but GF's mom and dad called and explained that they thought I should apologize.
While they appreciate me always making romantic gestures, I can afford to do so while their other daughters' husbands can't. They see where things are going and assume we'll all be family soon, and it would be a good idea for me to make peace with the other two.
That's true in the sense that I really didn't mean to do anything to their detriment, but I also never expected them to be such sh*tty partners that they thought it would be okay to not even bring their wives flowers on Valentine's Day. But maybe I'm wrong for holding them to the standard I've set for my own relationship. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
From FortuneTellingBoobs:
NTA. My husband got me nothing because he was sick with a cold and forgot. If my sister's partner had 72 flowers delivered to her in front of us, I would think her BF is a sweetie, but that's it. My husband would see that, make a silly self-deprecating joke, and we'd all laugh and carry on. Your GF's sisters' partners are rude. If they're really this mad about it they should have done better.
AussieSkittles81 says:
OP could have set one rose and still made her sisters husbands look bad. I've always lived by the rule that, if you don't want to look bad, don't do anything to make yourself look bad.
Kimberellaroo suggests:
OP could send the two husbands a dozen roses each as an apology, it would be the thoughtful thing to do.
EidolonVS writes:
Nah, screw it. You don't have to scale back on your (frankly very sweet) tradition with your girlfriend to pander to the insecurities of two grown adult men. If they were 'furious' for you at this, they will find similar things to hold against you in the future.
Are you willing to always diminish your relationship with your SO for their benefit? Seriously, what sort of messed up situation is it where someone can be considered an a-hole for buying his girlfriend too many flowers?
CrimsonPromise comments:
I wonder what would happen if OP marries the GF and plans to buy a house together. Is the family going to ask him not to buy too expensive a house 'because it'll make the other husbands look bad'? Or if they have kids. Are they going to ask them not to send their kids to an expensive school or buy expensive toys and clothes?
Their husbands insecurity is not your concern OP. You just do what makes you and your GF happy, let her sisters go deal with their own relationships.
AffectionateHand2206 can't believe it:
This must be a joke, right? Are there really adults who care this much about Valentine's day? Most people I know would rather have their partner by their side in a family emergency than receive flowers. So, your gf's sisters should be happy. Your gf's parents should stay out of this. It has nothing to do with them and they're just contributing to unnecessary drama. NTA.
So, there you have it!
OP did nothing wrong, but that usually won't stop jealous people from thinking so.