'WIBTA for uninviting extended family to my wedding over their unpaid debt?'
"WIBTA for uninviting extended family to my wedding over their unpaid debt?"
My only extended family is one auntie, her husband and their kid. They are extremely wealthy. Our relationship is strained, all for show, I see them once a year at most. But they have always been cordial.
But they haven’t settled a debt with a poor family that we are both mutually acquainted with. An old lady and her son with developmental disabilities who mows the lawns of her 3 vacant properties.
I regularly invite them to my house for coffee and last week the old lady told me that her son hadn’t been paid for his work in 9 months. I mentioned it to her son and he told me that he had asked a couple months ago but she had said she “didn’t have any money with her”.
ç It made me incredibly angry. These people are obviously taking advantage of him, while knowing that he and his mum are struggling financially. But he begged me not to say anything. His mum is a smart lady and tries to tell him to stop helping them but he doesn’t listen. These people are kind, honest people.
My wedding is coming up in a month and It has made me so angry that I really don’t want them there. It’s a fully funded 3 day destination wedding. I’m seriously thinking of switching their place with the mother and son. Which will sort of offset the amount he is owed and give them an experience they have never had.
I feel like this is an emotionally charged reaction, but there is a seething low level hatred that’s always sort of been there coming to the surface.
Edit: I had been asked to not mention it to my family, he was very adamant and so was his mum. I had offered twice. I’m going to respect that. I won’t be explaining why I won’t be inviting them anymore either. Just a simple “we have had to be more conservative with the number of guests” letter.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
ESH except the older woman and her son. Why would you disinvite your relatives when you could contact your relatives and help get the son paid for his work? As much as your relatives sound terrible for their actions, I’m getting the sense you’re a bit out of touch as well.
Why would you think treating these people to a destination wedding would “offset” stolen wages? Get the man paid!
I think calling OP an a**hole is harsh. OP sounds very willing to fight for them, but is acquiescing because of the the victims insistence.
If OP wants to fight for them, OP needs to provide support or find solutions to getting the victims paid while still honoring their request. OP’s approach thus far has been to exact petty revenge that not only solves nothing, but also keeps the relatives in the dark about everything, while seemingly assuaging OPs guilt.
NTA. It sounds like I’m general you have a better relationship with the mom and son than you do with your extended family. I say go for it. Don’t mention to them that you’re doing it because of the debt. Just tell them you’d be honored if they would attend.
NTA, mostly for the sentiment, but you will be for the execution. You obviously have no real ties to these family members, so swapping them out and letting everyone know why will be very cathartic and give them some joy. Just be prepared for potential long term consequences (unsure how the rest of your family and friends feels about them).