'AITA for not attending my BFF's wedding after an argument even though she was in my wedding?'
Life can change in an instant. What was once a priority can soon float to the backburner of concerns.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not attending her best friend's wedding after an argument. She wrote:
"AITA for not attending my best friend's wedding after an argument even though she was in my wedding?"
Me and my friend Jess, have been friends since the 9th grade and we’re currently in our early 30s, she was the maid of honor at my wedding years ago and it was just expected that I’d do the same when the time came for her. She got engaged a few years ago, she always always had a date she wanted to get married on, but it kept on being pushed back but finally everything was set for or December 2023.
I was pregnant but was expected to be 8 plus months post partum so it wouldn’t be an issue, In December 2022, My family and I got into a crash, which resulted in my little sister’s death and in me losing the pregnancy. I still had every plan of being in the wedding and helping out as much as I could but being honest the wedding was no longer a priority in my mind.
I was “excused” from missing all of the earlier events and planning but as we got closer to the wedding, my friend’s patience slowly ran thin. Prior to accident I had offered to pay for and basically “deal” with the venue, post accident I was still paying but I told her to have someone handle it because I wouldn’t be able to give it my all. But she insisted I do it. I stood my ground and she started calling me a bad friend
Saying that I didn’t care about her and that I was being selfish, she bought up everything she did for me and how she’s disappointed in how sh#$ty I was being. I tried to explain my side to her but she wasn’t having it and she ended up saying that if I wasn’t helping with the wedding that I wasn’t welcome to the wedding anymore. We left it at that.
I knew she still wanted me at the wedding but she wouldn’t ask again, originally I had planned to apologize and just go anyway but last minute I decided to just respect her words and not go. The wedding was 3 weeks ago and I did not attend, it was all over social media and I checked friends post and story through out the night.
When I woke up the next day I tried looking at Jess post and all her social media was gone (she had blocked me) and several other mutual friends blocked me as well. Turns out Jess was upset I wasn’t there and after the wedding took to social media to basically bash me, now a lot of people have blocked me and some have been saying crap about me for not attending the wedding.
Redditors had all sorts of things to say.
Separate_Ordinary912 wrote:
Oh man, NTA. Firstly, I’m really sorry for your loss. I know grieving must take an extremely long time and it’s understandable if you felt the need to not help prepare your friend’s wedding if it meant it would only be prepared halfheartedly. In fact, you may have been better for having told her earlier on.
Now, the part about your friend blocking you as well as her mutual friends. It’s concerning how none had reached out to you for an explanation. To me, that’s quite a big hint that she DEFINITELY told the story in her own words, and as all stories have bias, hers was too.
I would try to reach out to a few mutuals who may have attended the wedding and not blocked you yet, asking them for an explanation. If it seems that her story doesn’t align with yours or has a much different tone of story, definitely give your own input. Jess definitely stooped a bit low for what she did in the last part of the story.
TLDR; Jess owes you an apology for talking behind your back, definitely try to have a civil conversation with her.
Individual_Ad_9213 wrote:
NTA. Her joy does not trump your grief. A year before her wedding, you had been in a crash which resulted in your sister's death and the termination of your pregnancy. At that moment, an understanding friend would simply have given you a pass and gotten someone else to pick up the slack. Her uninviting you was completely uncalled for. Your ex-friend comes off as entitled and not very empathetic.
boredathome1962 wrote:
NTA for a moment. I am so sorry for your losses, this must be extremely difficult for you. But to the point, she bloody uninvited you. That means you don't go, that's what uninvited means. Never mind how cruel she was guilting you into doing things just because, and ignoring your loss and grief.
She is the world class AH, best to ignore her unless she seriously apologizes. Weddings do not trump everything else, no matter what the bride believes.
LizziSpeaks wrote:
I read this title and was soooo ready to come here and tell you that you were in the wrong but damn this is one gigantic NTA. You went through something horrid, and you were told that you weren’t welcome because you weren’t helping enough? YOU were accused of being selfish for not ignoring your grief and jumping to help her?
AND she refused to talk about it! I’m so sorry about all the terrible losses you’ve had to endure. There are no words. 💔
There is no universe where OP is TA, she is grieving horrific losses.