'AITA for telling my sister she will be insecure no matter what I wear to her wedding?'

Unfortunately, family tensions and insecurities don't magically dissolve just because there's a big life event. If anything, high-stakes events just accentuate any bad blood that's already there.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her sister that she'll be insecure no matter what she's wearing to the wedding. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my sister she will be insecure no matter what I wear to her wedding?"

To preface this me (27f) and my sister (30f) are both of Indian descent from the United States. My sister is getting married in November and currently, we are in the process of getting the clothes made for the wedding. Indian weddings are usually quite large and extravagant with several events. I as the bride’s sister will be expected to dress very nicely so I am having my clothes custom made as well.

Yesterday we went to our first fitting for the outfits and the moment my sister saw my outfits she was upset. I am having four different lehengas made which are like a crop top and a long skirt made for her wedding events. My sister on the other hand is choosing to wear suits which are like a long tunic with baggy pants on the bottom.

My sister once she saw me in the outfits told me they were too revealing and would like me to wear something more toned down as she herself will be in a suit. I’ll admit we both look very different and have different body types so her choice of outfit is a much better fit for her. She got even more upset when I pointed out that several of our cousins will be wearing similar outfits to the wedding.

She said she doesn’t care what they do but that I should let her have the “spotlight” for this one event in her life. Here is where I may be the AH, I told her that no matter what I wear she will be insecure and her insecurities are for her to deal with. Indian moms can be quite blunt and I won’t lie our entire life my mom has pointed out just how different we look physically.

I can see why she would be insecure but I don’t see why I have to cater to her insecurities. My mom agrees with me and told my sister I will be wearing the lehengas as that’s what looks best on me. I’m not going to lie I think Indian suits look frumpy to me and I want to wear what flatters me. I’d rather not even go if I wear a suit, they look better on more matronly women. So AITA in this situation?

For more context this what the lehengas I’m getting made looks like more or less: https://www.utsavfashion.com/product/embroidered-net-tiered-lehenga-in-dark-green-lyc2462-sh22?geoip_country=us&&&gclid=CjwKCAjwgsqoBhBNEiwAwe5w067IubqFXd4XSvoKh0nmEWvZHwY_i70uxQzDrO4QeaDjWkP5y4LlahoCzhQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

This what my sister would like me to wear: https://www.suratwholesaleshop.com/catalog/panjabi-style-art-silk-new-designer-patiyala-salwar-suits-collection-for-wedding-function-17117

***clarification this is not the suit my sister is wearing. She would like me to wear something like this. She has had several suits made for her wedding all which have very heavy amounts of embroidery and crystals. There is no way anyone will not think she is the bride.

People were super honest with OP.

Background_League809 wrote:

As an Indian, YTA! Indian weddings are extravagant and everyone dresses up, because there is no fear of upstaging the bride. However, in your scenario, the bride is dressing down and so should you! You will have your own moment when you get married.

And judging by the statements like “for once” and your statements what will suit her makes you even worse AH! Shows you are the golden child and that your mother pitted you against your sister! I do hope she gets a lovely family, amazing in-laws who help boost up her confidence!

Btw that lehenga? That can easily be worn by a bride on mehendi function - seems like you deliberately want to appear more bridal than the bride!

Cursd818 wrote:

YTA. So for her whole life, your mother has been bullying and insulting her, you've been basking in your mother's praise and your sister's misery, and now, you want to rub that emotional abuse in her face on what is meant to be the greatest day of her life? Wow. It's clear that you don't care for your sister at all if you can hear what she said and respond with the horrible words you chose.

The way you look isn't in your control, but being an AH about it is. And it sounds like you've been an AH and supported your mother being an AH about it for your whole life. But to be clear, your physical body has nothing to do with beauty. This attitude you have? It's the opposite of beautiful.

Flowersons wrote:

YTA. It's her wedding, not a fashion show for you. She asked for a toned-down outfit so she can have her moment. It's not about your mom's opinions or your cousins' outfits. Telling her she's insecure on her wedding day? Low blow. It's not about catering to her "insecurities," it's about showing respect.

MojoDojoCasaHouse213 wrote:

YTA. It's one wedding. Who cares if you wear something "flattering" enough for your tastes? Who cares? It's your sister's wedding. If wearing something more subdued, as she has requested, ends up not appeasing her after all, oh well, at least you tried.

And you can remind her that you did what she asked. If she still isn't happy after that, oh well, that's a her problem. But you're not even willing to make any concessions at all. Come on, now.

owls_and_cardinals wrote:

YTA. In general, a bride's family and attendants take their cue from the bride, normally chosen based in part on the bride's own attire. So it seems very normal and natural that she would find certain outfit choices out of sync with the tone she, as the bride, is setting for the wedding. Really, grow some compassion.

You're just doubling down on harmful, hurtful things your sister has been told by your mother all throughout your upbringing. You're practically patting yourself on the back here for being more attractive of whatever, and it's not a good look.

This harkens back to Kelly in The Office wearing white to a wedding, as a guest, because "I look really good in white." Guess what - 'what you look best in' is not the only consideration for what you should wear on that day.

Note: I am perceiving this to be comparable to a bridesmaid situation and as a westerner, I'm used to brides literally choosing bridesmaid attire from the dress to the fabric to the color to the length to the accessories.

OP is clearly TA here, for multiple reasons.