'Bride made a profit on bachelorette trip, forced me to wear a revealing dress.' UPDATED 8X

There's nothing quite like the pageantry of a wedding to make or break a friendship.

In a popular post on the Wedding Shaming subreddit, a woman shared her nightmare experience with her SIL's wedding demands. She wrote:

"Bride made a profit on bachelorette trip!! (SIL drama)"

I miss the days when bridesmaids were treated like people and not like stage props! My future SIL is getting married so of course I’m a default bridesmaid. She didn’t give us options for the dress, she picked it out and told us it’s the one we’ll be wearing. The dress is a strapless, backless, thigh slit halter neck. I am a larger girl - triple D chest should explain why I don’t wear backless or halter styles.

Backless means I can’t wear any form of supportive bra AND there is virtually no shapewear I can put underneath it. The only bras that work are stickies or tape, which do not hold me up in the least. I tried the dress on….my chest is spilling out the sides, back rolls are on full blast, and I am popping out of this thing every which way. I’m so uncomfortable.

I basically told the bride sorry, I know it’s your big day but there is no way I’m wearing this dress. My body shape is different from the rest of the bridal party and I can’t justify wearing it.

I told her I’d be fine if I can simply modify it to be more conservative at the back and chest. She DECLINED and told me to “just be more confident in myself” because all the dresses must be identical for photos.

I have no body confidence issues, there are plenty of styles that suit my figure. It just so happens that this dress was not made for larger women and does not look appropriate on my body. I want to drop out of the wedding but my family insists I stay in because it’s my SIL and it would “ruin” the wedding and the relationship.

I don’t get why I should have to be paraded around in front of my entire family, extended family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc in an outfit that makes me uncomfortable. It’s just getting ridiculous. Brides - please have enough tact to make sure your girls are comfortable on your special day. We’re humans, not props.

Redditors had a lot to say in response.

beckerszzz wrote:

Did she not go shopping with her bridesmaids to try on the dresses? I feel like this would have solved all the problems.

OP responded:

Nope, she chose one online (no consulting with any of the bridesmaids.) I know a few of the other BMs were irked because they would have liked to have a say in the dress, but ultimately no one else complained to her face. The rest of the group is fairly tiny so I’m sure they’re ok in the dress even if it’s not their first choice.

gnosticnightjar wrote:

Can anyone link to a similar dress? I’m having a very hard time picturing what a dress that is backless but also both strapless and a halter top looks like. Aren’t strapless and halter mutually exclusive?

OP responded:

Yes...so a backless halter dress.

that_was_way_harsh wrote:

Drop out of the wedding. A bride who is that insistent on her vision over the comfort of people who are supposed to be her nearest and dearest isn’t going to stop with dresses.

Next will be insisting on a bachelorette party nobody can afford, demanding that you use her makeup artist at your own expense, etc etc etc. I hope your fiancé will support you if you decide to bail out, even if the rest of the family is pressuring you.

RutilatedGold wrote:

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t want to wear that either. I am just a regular old D/DD and I made a hard and fast rule when I hit 35ish that I just wasn’t going to to do strapless anymore - definitely no backless. No cutouts. Nothing. If I can’t wear normal underwear and sit in a normal, comfortable (god forbid slouch) position, I don’t want it.

You can wear beautiful clothing that is all in one piece without looking like you’re being shoveled through a cheese grater. No bride needs anything that bad. Just say no.

Not long after posting, OP jumped on with an update.

First of all thank you so much for all the support. I appreciate your helpful advice and suggestions. On that note, I’ve decided to stay in the wedding to avoid sending my mother to an early grave. HOWEVER!!! I’ve also decided I’ll be wearing the sh*t out of this dress and making sure the center of attention is not on the lovely bride.

I tried to resolve the issue with tact and class and was shot down, so I feel I’ve earned the right to be petty. I’m going to order some really specific shapewear which can be concealed under what little material this dress has (kudos to you all who sent me suggestions!!) I’ll be going FULL side boob, FULL shimmer added on the exposed back, and FULL body oil on the legs for the thigh slit.

I’ll be doing an updo on the hair so there is nothing getting in the way of this dress 💃🏻 I’ll be wearing a shawl for everything else, but TRUST that for the ceremony I’ll be looking like Salma Hayek in Dusk till Dawn. Let’s see what she thinks about this “body confidence” she asked me to find. GIRL please! If anyone is curious I’ll most likely come back in May to post my pics!!

People had a lot of responses to the update.

2bop2pie wrote:

As a fellow well-endowed person, how about this: wear hardcore shape wear or frumpy white bra underneath at the next try-on. And when she is appalled, just say that you need support and coverage that the dress doesn’t give you, so that’s what you would have to wear underneath.

I had a similar experience in my bridesmaid days, the dress simply wasn’t designed for my shape, and my mother complained bitterly about how I looked in all the pictures afterwards. You can’t win here, they’ll be mad if you drop out and they’ll be mad at how you end up looking in the dress.

Prudent_Border5060 wrote:

I don't care who's wedding it is. If you're uncomfortable and the bride refuses to compromise, family drama can be damned. Why should you put someone's needs ahead of your own comfort. Just let the bride know you will not be a bridesmaid.

As a fellow person with a larger chest, I would be appalled to wear something like you described. I am not a fan of having that many ways for people to see my assets. Anyone telling you to suck it up can wear the dress themselves.

tryoracle wrote:

Just say no. You should never give up comfort to be a prop. Some dresses just don't look good on some people. I have small boobs and almost no curves I have turned down more than 1 dress because I look like a stick in a dress lol.

A few days later, OP jumped on with another update.

SO MUCH TEA. So about 6 months ago the bride planned her destination bachelorette trip and charged each of the 11 girls $650 for the Airbnb. I was salty about the high cost but it’s my SIL so I sucked it up and paid her. I also was suspicious about the high AF price so I did cross check the Airbnb listing and it checked out. (Yes this b wanted a $2300/night beachfront house.)

Well today I’m chatting about wedding stuff with my brother (who is marrying future SIL) and he said something along the lines of “what a relief her dad paid for the Airbnb because that would have been so expensive for your group.” I about choked! I said hey are you sure about that because all 11 girls paid $650 for the house alone. Maybe run it by her...his face turned purple so I take it he had no idea.

To add to the greed going on here - when I got married I flew her out, paid for her accommodations, paid hair and makeup, paid for her bridesmaid dress, and paid transportation because she was going through a hard time. Now she has the balls to steal from me.

I get that weddings are expensive but don’t have one if it requires stealing from your BMs. I’m assuming I’m the only BM who is aware of what’s going on here. Not sure if I should spill to the group or just let it go. There’s a chance her dad stepped in and paid for it after the fact, and she just chose not to refund us. I’m not clear on the exact situation and want to avoid embarrassing my brother.

Redditors had a lot to say in response.

lemcke3743 wrote:

Girrrrrllllllll. You’re better than me. I would 100% tell the other bridesmaids and demand my money back. That’s insane and completely inexcusable.

PenguinZombie321 wrote:

An even better move would be the brother having a serious chat with his fiancée to determine if this kind of behavior is something he’s ok with managing for the rest of his life.

lil1234567891234567 wrote:

Play dumb in the group chat and say oh that’s so nice your dad offered to cover the expenses of our trip for us, here is my Venmo to send my portion to!

HappyLucyD wrote:

I want to be the fly on the wall when future SIL confronts fiancé/brother for “spilling the beans.” That would be popcorn-worthy, I’m sure.

Not long after, OP posted two more updates in a row.

Thanks for all the advice and support! Yes - I agree with most of you who are saying I’m morally obligated to spill the beans because $650 is not child’s play. This is what I’m going to do. First, I’m going to talk to my brother and give him a chance to clear it up with SIL. Before I make a scene, I want to understand what’s really going on.

For example, did daddy pay for the trip but SIL decided to put that towards a different wedding expense? Things like that. That answer will determine when/how I tell the rest of the BMs. Im going to give my brother only 1-2 days because this trip is literally next week. Stay tuned for update #2.

Commenters held their breath in suspense until she jumped back on.

Alright so I regrouped with my brother. My mom also stepped in, bypassed my brother, and got some more info directly from her dad! HERE’S THE TEA - future SIL’s dad did not offer to cover the cost until a few months after we all paid for the trip. This was after he found out the cost and was pissed that she chose a $2300/night house and asked us to pay.

Apparently he threatened not to pay for the wedding if she added more expenses onto the wedding party. Turns out she originally wanted it at the Maldives and he forbid her! According to my mom who chatted with him directly, he felt embarrassed when he heard about the Airbnb price and wanted to save face with my side of the family. So he gave SIL about $7k to cover the cost of the house.

She was supposed to refund us but obviously that never happened. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD - so my mom went total FBI and learned that in addition to not paying us, SIL didn’t put the money towards a different wedding expense either. SHE DOESN'T HAVE IT. So where did it go?? What did she spend it on?? There is currently a FULL BLOWN INVESTIGATION going down between our two families rn!

I have been asked by my mom not to alert the BMs just yet until we get the last bits of info AND come to a resolution with both SIL and her dad. But we WILL tell them asap one way or another. I will come back tomorrow with another update!! Wow, CRAZY.

Commenters were fully invested, to say the least.

Redpandafrolic wrote:

I’d honestly give the brother, who’s the groom here, the chance to make this right first. Have him confront the bride and do the right thing — he’s the one who’s imposed her on your life.

Rhamona_Q wrote:

I think we need to confirm whether brother knows for sure that FIL paid, or if SIL only told brother that FIL was paying. It's still deception either way, but is she lying to everyone or just her husband to be, is the question.

LeafsChick wrote:

Yeah, like I've seen enough friends deal with a parent saying they would cover XYZ, then at the last minute not pay, or not realise how much and only cover part of it. I would speak to SIL and get the whole story before blowing this up with everyone.

hodorhodor12 wrote:

I’d be telling the brother to not marry such a person. You can marry a person who you can’t trust. Divorce is in their future.

Soon after, OP jumped on with two more major updates.

The plot thickens!! So as this drama is all unfolding, the maid of honor (who doesn’t know what’s going on yet) is continuing her duties. We all get a 4-paragraph text from her outlining the dress code for each night of the bachelorette, per the brides orders. Keep in mind the bride is asking us all to go out and buy new outfits for each night of the trip.

And the themes are WILD - animal print Thursday, Faux Fur Friday, Sparkle Dress Saturday, and Barbie brunch Sunday. As if we’re all going to go out and buy that sh*t one week before the trip (or at all!!) Thankfully the BM’s seem to be waking up to the BS. Several of them wrote back saying they won’t be able to pull together those outfits in time, and one flat out said it’s just not going to happen.

But that’s just a side story to the absolute sh*t show that is unfolding. My mom is very involved now as she’s paid a decent chunk of this wedding as well, and does NOT like that the bride is throwing around THOUSANDS of dollars from her dad as well as lying to the bridal party. SHE SET UP A MEETING directly with SIL to cut the BS and explain what’s going on.

She told SIL she’s going to inform the BM’s herself unless she gets a valid answer. At this point I’m just shoveling down popcorn waiting for the events to unfold. I will be back tonight with hopefully the final update!!

OP kept her promise, and jumped on later that night with another update.

A SWAN ICE SCULPTURE. She used the $7k to book a swan shaped ice sculpture to be displayed at the reception and didn’t tell anyone. Turns out her dad banned her from adding any more “extras” to the wedding design because it was already so expensive and unnecessary.

When he venmoed her for the Airbnb, she thought she was being sneaky and kept it instead. She didn’t even tell my brother this - he only found out that her dad decided to cover the Airbnb because those two went out for cigars one night and it came up. So that mystery is solved thanks to my mini FBI crew - but now the REAL questions remain. Where tf is my $650 and how to break the news to the BM’s!??

Out of the kindness of her SOUL my mom is giving SIL 24hrs to confess to the bridesmaids and figure out how to pay us back our money. Because you know what, I did not spend $650 on some damn ICE!!!!! I have kids to feed! I have BILLS TO PAY. It is taking everything in me not to text the BM group right now but my mom is trying to give SIL one opportunity to do the right thing.

This has been a roller coaster - don’t know if anyone here is still interested, but let me know if I should post the final outcome with the BM’s in one last update. Lord have MERCY.

Unsurprisingly, commenters were incredibly invested in the final outcome and let OP know this.

zanne54 wrote:

If she'll screw over her closest friends, she'll screw over your brother.

FSIL is dishonest and lacks integrity. Blow the lid off this cover-up, and hopefully your brother will walk away from this dreadful woman before he ruins his life by marrying her.

darklux- wrote:

I keep checking back. I'm still interested. thanks!!! you're too gracious for us redditors who love tea.

AdultDisneyWoman wrote:

Would definitely love a post trip update to see how the whole trip shakes out with a bunch of people who now know they are less important than an ice sculpture.

Giggling_Luminary wrote:

I’m the same!! I’m all day coming back to check if there’s an update!! Haha.

OP kept her word, and jumped on with yet another update.

Okay - as promised here is the latest tea, served BOILING hot. This is a long update and I’m going to try and get everything in. First let’s start with the bride’s explanation to her family: myself, my mom, my brother (her fiance) and her dad. She broke down crying saying that wedding planning has been getting to her head, and she has been “crushed” under the pressure to have the perfect wedding.

Which she felt couldn’t go on without this alleged Ice Swan. I didn’t buy her sob story. After this whole incident I think she is a delusional, controlling, attention-starving bridezilla who is using the wedding as a way to compete with other girls on instagram. BTW her job is “influencer” if I didn’t mention that yet. My brother took the bait. To be honest, I don’t even blame him.

This is his future wife, and he said he wants to help her with her mental health and get her back to a good place. He is disturbed by the situation but will continue to support her. The wedding is on, for those who were curious. Next let’s get into the matter of the missing $7K and whether we’re getting our money back. The sad, gut wrenching answer: probably not.

Her dad said he has already paid the Airbnb cost once and he will not do it again. He said his daughter is 31 and needs to get herself out of her own mess and figure out how to make it right. She chimed in that the $7K is gone and asked how she would possibly pay us back. My brother refused to pay for her screw up. While I love that everyone is finally forcing this b to be an adult, I would like my money back more.

Unfortunately we’re not going to get it unless she magically wins the lottery or gets a real job. For those that asked, there is nothing we can do legally. We all willingly paid a fixed amount and we would have to move mountains (and spend more $$$) to sue. Plus, while she was incredibly shady and a terrible friend, she technically didn’t do anything wrong that we could prove. Now onto the bridesmaids.

After some threats from my mom, SIL finally broke down and contacted the BMs in our group chat. She sent a text that made my skin crawl:

“Hey Ladies! You’re my bride squad so I feel compelled to share that my dad recently offered to pay for our bach accommodations. However, being that the wedding is so expensive, I have decided to put his donation towards a wedding expense. I hope you all understand and I can’t wait to party with you all next week!”

Oh HELL no. I immediately replied back making sure everyone knew the “expense” was an ice sculpture. AN ICE SWAN!! Come ON PEOPLE! Many of them replied and expressed how they would have loved to use that $650 for something more important.

But ultimately no one has backed out...one of the girls started a side chat without the bride and asked if there is any chance of getting our $$ back if we force SIL to cancel the reservation. Unfortunately since we’re only a week out, we aren’t eligible for a refund. They decided to go through with the bach or else it would be a literal waste of $650.

As for myself.I’m in the same boat. I would rather run myself over than go on this trip. But $650 is not a small amount and I can’t fathom just throwing it down the drain. I haven’t made my final decision yet. If I do go, it will solely be to avoid eating the $650 plus my airfare. I will not be doing any of the planned events or outfits, or contributing even $1 more. I would have my own mini vacation as best I can.

I'm really upset that it seems like this crazy person is going to get her way after all!!

Not long after posting, OP jumped on with a mini update.

There are so many curious comments coming in so I want to keep you in the loop!! More drama has unfolded among the bridesmaids.

The side-text without the bride popped off and we have all agreed to do the following:

We will be going on the trip, but it is NO LONGER a bachelorette trip. We will all be taking personal vacations with our hubbies/significant others while staying at the property. We were forced into this beachfront mansion + airfare, so we’re going to make the most of it.

We have all backed out of hosting and paying for the bridal shower. The bride will need to find another way to move forward if she wants to have it. We will attend as guests if she has it, and we will not be gifting anything. Mother of the bride is absolutely furious. More on this later.

We’re letting the bride know she needs to cancel the Ice Swan ™ and give us our money back. After some more research, we doubt all of the $7k went towards the alleged swan because it doesn’t seem liken they cost that much. I won’t be back for a while because I want to save my next update for after the trip! Stay tuned. I will be back around Tuesday with the FINAL post bachelorette trip update!

Redditors had a lot of comments and questions.

Perspex_Sea wrote:

Info: I need to know if you're also paying for your own dress, shoes, make up, hair on top of this.

OP responded:

Yes - everything. A $350 dress, $150 hair, $150 makeup, $200 shoes, and I haven’t done jewelry yet. Oh and the bridal shower cost is being split among the 11 girls, PLUS the shower gift, PLUS the wedding gift from me and hubby. I truly hope bridesmaids go out of style in the very near future…..I go broke every time and on top of that you end up slaving away for some bridezilla.

Not all brides are like this. I’ve been in a few weddings that were really great. THIS is not one of those times.

SouthernCrime wrote:

So, you have paid $650 for the Airbnb but now you have the added expenses of everything on the trip on the 4 coordinated outfit activities with her sparkly, furry, barbie dresses. (So glad yall just dismissed those!!) Why do these sad sad women think they need to beat everyone on IG instead of just sticking to a reasonable budget and having a good, stress free wedding.

OP responded:

Oh helllll no. IF I go, I will not be doing any of the planned outfits or events. I’ll most likely have my own mini vacation so as not to eat the cost of my airline ticket on top of everything else - which I already paid for too.

Tis_But_A_Scratch- wrote:

Good LORD. $650 is good money to anyone not absolutely rolling in the stuff. Honestly if my friend or family expected me to fork out 650, I’d tell them to take a hike off a short pier. When I got married, I paid for hotels, meals, everything related to my wedding. Guests just had to show up.

OP responded:

Yes - this exactly. I got married out of the country, which tbh was a way to cut my guest list down to only 15 people. With that said, we paid for flights, accommodations, BM dresses and hair/MUA, no bridal shower / no bach, and all the guests had to do was show up and have a good time.

And yes, future SIL was part of that group. The petty part of me wants to send her the bill of her costs from my wedding! If I could go back in time….

Castianna wrote:

Whatever happened to just going out to dinner and maybe a few drinks with your girlfriends? Shadiness aside, this just seems like a lot of work and I'm experiencing secondhand exhaustion.

OP responded:

Weddings and all the events that go with them have gotten completely out of control lately. And while this one is pretty extreme, I’m in 3 other weddings this year which are equally involved and expensive. And why is it only the BM’s who are victim to the extreme cost and all the labor/hard work that goes into it?

Looking at my brother and the groomsmen - the bachelor party was a short drive up to the mountains where they stayed (for free) at a friend’s place, hung out, had some beers, and wished my brother well. Meanwhile the BM’s are spending our life savings, using up PTO, and putting in Olympic sport effort just to get through the bachelorette alone.

Not to mention the bridal shower and all the other things still to come. orry to create another rant but I am so over weddings and bridezillas.

This is the saga of all sagas.