Man excludes friend's 'cheater' wife from wedding; friends say he's being 'ruthless.'

There is a hyper-specific tension that sets in when you don't like your friend's partner. Now, every hangout is shrouded by your tiff with their partner, and inviting them to big life events can be more stressful than exciting.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for excluding his friend's wife from his wedding.

He wrote:

AITA for not giving my married friend a plus one to my wedding?

I (33M) am getting married next summer. I invited a friend from university to my wedding but intentionally did not give him a plus one for his wife. His wife and I do not get on. She attended university with us, and we had our fair share of fights then and a rather large fuss some 5 odd years ago.

We live on opposite sides of our country and only see each other a couple of times a year (if that) for special occasions like other friends’ weddings. His wife and I can be generally cordial now but mostly avoid or ignore one another. They got married around 4 years ago, and I was not invited to their wedding.

My friend told me (in no uncertain terms) that he wanted me there, but his wife did not, and that he chose to respect her wishes on her big day. I was disappointed but understanding and never let it affect our friendship. I am having a big wedding and all guests with spouses, fiancés, and serious bf/gfs are getting plus ones, except for said friend. It is not a numbers issue, I simply do not want his wife in attendance.

I have considered the likelihood that my friend will RSVP no given the lack of a plus one, but I am okay with this outcome. I have no intention of telling him ahead of time that most others are getting a plus one, but I’m aware that he is most likely going to find out. My fiancé and I obviously discussed this matter, and she is fully supportive of this decision.

Other friends that I have spoken to tell me that I’m being ruthless and basically should not have even invited my friend if I wasn’t going to give him a plus one for his wife. So…am I the ahole?

EDIT: Since a lot are asking about the fuss, I’ll give a little more context. She cheated on my friend at university, they broke up. I was not as warm to her afterwards but not outwardly mean. She wanted him back, he asked for advice, I said don’t do it.

He took her back anyways (obviously, his right to do so), but I remained more distant from her. Not sure if my friend told her that I advised they remain broken up (would not be surprised) or if it was just me not being as friendly, but she turned nasty on me. Five years ago, I called her out for her b@#$hy behavior after she hurt me with multiple rude comments.

Alcohol was involved and admittedly I could have handled the situation with more finesse. Our interaction ruined wonderful evening. Once we sobered up the following day, I apologized for my part and expected the same in return. Instead, she not only refused to apologize or accept any blame, but she also entirely rejected my apology.

People jumped into the comment section with all their thoughts.

OLAZ3000 wrote:

NTA. No one has anything to say given you were not invited to their wedding. You are simply reciprocating. And it's your wedding anyhow, end of story.

ETA - wild all the Y.T.A. comments. Funny how everyone is FINE with no kids but has a problem with no specific adults you don't like? hahahahaha (I am fine with all of it - it's your day!)

ResponsibleSpite1332 wrote:

NTA. I was leaning you’re the ah, until you said that you weren’t even invited to their wedding. So I think it’s fair not to invite her. But it really sucks that you, and your good friend’s spouse hate each other this much. Why is that?

naraic- wrote:

As long as you are OK with your friend not showing up and no longer being friendly with you go right ahead NTA. Personally, I'd have considered the friendship over after the non invite to his wedding.

DragoBrokeMe wrote:

NTA. What exactly is ruthless here? You have direct evidence that she feels the same way and it prevented you from going to a good friend's wedding. It's not like you're shocking her with the fact that your feelings aren't reciprocated. I would communicate with your friend though that she is not invited and that only his name on the invite wasn't a mistake.

No_Investigator_6528 wrote:

NTA. I get it, just understand that your friendship may not be the same. Also, consider that inviting her allows you to keep the moral high ground. If the friendship survives she'll be able to throw the 'but he didn't invite me either' card. If you don't care about that or the friendship possibly being damaged then go for it.

While OP is definitely NTA here, things don't look good for his friendship if the tiff between OP and his friend's wife continues with this intensity.