Non-binary sibling refuses to wear a dress to brother's wedding, family gets angry.

Traditional wedding dress codes are deeply gendered, so it can be hard fit in with them if you don't identify within the gender binary.

While plenty of wedding couples have foregone the requirement that women wear dresses and men wear suits, there are also lots of people who have clung to the classics. This choice might feel like a no-brainer for them personally, but can put gender-non-conforming wedding party members in a bind.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a sibling asked if they're wrong for refusing to attend their brother's wedding because of the dress code.

They wrote:

AITA for refusing to attend my brother's wedding because of the dress code?

My brother is getting married in a few months and his future wife recently asked me to be a part of her bridal party. I was thrilled and excited to be included, but then she informed me that the dress code for the bridal party was gender-specific, with women expected to wear dresses and men expected to wear suits.

As someone who identifies as non-binary and is more masculine presenting, I am uncomfortable with conforming to a gender binary that doesn't accurately represent me. I brought this up with my brother and his fiancé, but they insisted that they wanted all their guests to adhere to the dress code, regardless of how it made them feel.

I ultimately decided that I did not want to attend the wedding, as I did not feel comfortable being pressured to conform to a gender binary that doesn't accurately represent me. My brother and his fiancé are now upset with me, accusing me of being difficult and not willing to compromise.

After a fight with them, I found out they went behind my back and involved my mom. She called me yesterday and told me I can put aside my identity for one day to make the day special for my little brother. I now feel bad and didn't realize something as small as the clothes I feel comfortable wearing would cause a rift within my family. So AITA for refusing to go to the wedding?

People quickly weighed in with their thoughts on the situation.

poeadam wrote:

“Put aside my identity for one day”. Uh, no.

NTA.

It is fine for them to dictate the formality of the wedding. It is not fine for them to dictate your preferred gender expression. A suit that is on the same level of formality as suits others are wearing should be considered just fine.

Disastrous-Assist-90 wrote:

I fail to see how a person in pants is THAT shocking after 1902. NTA.

Randa08 wrote:

Even as a normal guest, being told as a woman I couldn't wear trousers I refuse to go. How rude.

embopbopbopdoowop wrote:

NTA. Dress codes are things like ‘cocktail’, ‘black tie’ or ‘semi-formal’. They’re not ‘people we decide are men must wear pants and people we decide are women must wear dresses’. Your brother and his fiancée are being queerphobic and it’s fine to absent yourself from such an event.

Mom’s comment about putting aside your identity for one day is awful. I’m so sorry. Perhaps you could ask her when she was last expected to abandon who she is for a day.

BlueRFR3100 wrote:

NTA. I wonder how they would feel if you were getting married and told all your cisgender guests to put aside their identity for one day. Would your brother wear a dress because you asked him to?

Clearly, OP's family has a long ways to go when it comes to being supportive of their gender expression.