'AITA for refusing to attend my best friend's destination wedding? I'm saving for a home.'
"AITA for refusing to attend my best friend's destination wedding?"
My (25F) best friend (25F) and I have been incredible friends for over a decade. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and put a lot of time, energy, and money into throwing showers, bachelorette parties, etc. Well, now she is engaged and is planning a destination wedding (accommodations and all meals will be paid for).
She stated that she does not want any showers, parties, or even gifts because she'd rather people put that towards the plane ticket. Tickets are about $700-1300 roundtrip depending on the airline. It's a very small wedding of about 20 people, and we'd all be staying together on a large property for a week.
I am saving to purchase a home in a few years and told my friend that I wouldn't make her wedding, citing two reasons:
Finances
The fact that my husband can't attend
I brought these issues up to her and told her I wouldn't make it. She and my other best friend (who is also attending) said they would help in any way they could with the financial part of it. She said that the reason my husband was not invited was because of space (I'd be sharing a room with that other best friend) and the fact that she doesn't know him well (her fiancé has never met him).
Everyone else that will be there is close family. She said even many close family members were not invited because of how small they had to keep it. She sent me a relatively upset message, saying that she was disappointed in my decision because she felt she did everything she could to help (money-wise) facilitate my attendance but that I was unwilling to help find a solution.
AITA for saying no to attending my best friend's wedding?
While it's nice that accommodations and meals are paid for, I'd still have to find a dress and cover other various expenses along the way.
People kept it real in the comments.
Significant-Tart5408 wrote:
YTA. While you can choose what you spend your money on, it honestly seems like you're grasping at straws for reasons not to go. They said they would help with money and that they only want you there.
You must not care for your friend very much, because I would be devastated if I were the bride, having been there and done so much for you and getting absolutely nothing in return, not even your presence.
spoiledrichwhitegirl wrote:
YTA. I question how good a friend this person is if you’re this adamant about not attending her wedding. The big expenses are being taken care of for you & a dress doesn’t have to be at all expensive - that’s you making an excuse.
Your friend has done a lot for you & you seem to be willing to do zero & find a way out of this all together. Fine, in that it is your choice, but would I consider you a good friend? Probably not…
Limp-Comedian-7470 wrote:
YTA. I was initially going to go the other way because destination weddings are often selfish, "pay your own way" setups, but I think you're the selfish one here. They didn't invite close family so you could have a spot, are paying for everything over there and are offering financial help with your ticket and you're whining about a dress, after this friend dropped everything to be a bridesmaid at your wedding.
You need to figure out what feelings are lying underneath this, because I see some jealousy peeking through.
Outrageously_Penguin wrote:
This is such an obvious YTA that I can only assume it’s the best friend writing from her crappy friend’s POV. Your best friend put significant time, energy and money into your wedding and you can’t be bothered to do a tiny fraction of the same for her. If you’re still interested in having a best friend, you need to get over yourself and show up at this wedding.
And just to add, it’s totally reasonable that your spouse isn’t invited to a 20-person wedding. They are probably excluding many people much closer to them than your spouse. Deal with it.
OLAZ3000 wrote:
YTA. You accepted that she does so much for yours - now you won't do the comparable for her? Bc your husband can't go? I mean even the financial aspect isn't fair if you accepted it and she is taking care of the most significant costs.
Like I would do so much to be at my best friend's wedding...and I have...it's crazy to me that a tiny amount towards a house is your reason. It's not an amount delaying by much at all.
In a truly rare moment for the AITA subreddit, the OP has been voted TA for not attending a destination wedding.