'AITA for taking my mom on vacation during my friend’s destination wedding?'

"AITA for taking my mom on vacation during my friend’s destination wedding?"

I (28F) am friends with Ruth (30F). We have been friends for 8 years. We met in med school and became closer during COVID after we stayed in the same city for post-med school training (residency) until I left to finish residency in another state/city closer to family a few years ago. She's having a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic (DR) at an all inclusive resort.

I am chronically single and Ruth has been engaged for two years. I am attending as a guest, NOT bridal party, and received my RSVP last month. I had mentioned the wedding to my mother at the time who expressed the desire to also come with me.

In the moment, I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable asking Ruth for a plus one (the RSVP was for me only) since it’s Ruth’s wedding, but my mom said she only wanted to go to the resort and would do her own thing the day of the wedding (ie spa, entertainment), as we’d have time to do stuff on other days.

She said she'd pay for the trip, which was appreciated but I would have no problem paying for just myself or both of us. Because of my busy schedule as a general surgery resident and limited vacation time it seemed like a reasonable compromise.

My mom also said that she might change her mind about going and to let her know when I was planning to finalize tickets/lodging, which I was planning to do in the next few weeks (December 2023). Last week Ruth reached out to see if I’d booked my room and if I’d be interested in staying with one of her single girl friends.

I told her that I was planning to book everything in the next few weeks as I was waiting to confirm if my mom still wanted to go to the resort, but that she would not be attending the wedding festivities. Ruth then said that I should have asked her if I could bring my mom to her wedding. I reiterated that my mom would not be attending any of the wedding festivities, just the resort.

She said that I should have run it by her because she wouldn’t have wanted to feel obligated to invite my mom to the wedding festivities on the spot during the wedding. To be honest, I can see where she’s coming from, and I told her that nothing was set in stone. I then agreed with her that I should have told her about it from the beginning.

She was very upset about this, and I apologized profusely as I simply didn’t think about it from her perspective. Ultimately, I said that I was happy to go by myself (hotel included). A few days later she told me that she didn’t feel valued as a friend and un-invited me to her wedding and effectively ended our friendship.

I’m saddened that it came to this, and I do agree that I should have simply asked ahead of time. I think we’re both AHs, but that her response was a bit severe. AITA?

The internet did not hold back.

VeronicaSawyer8 wrote:

"She said that I should have run it by her because she wouldn’t have wanted to feel obligated to invite my mom to the wedding festivities on the spot during the wedding."

I don't understand why you should have run it by her. It's a destination wedding. Your mom was interested in that destination, so you planned to book together, and your mom was more than content to hang by herself on the wedding day. What am I missing? Were there additional days of wedding-related activities you were expected to be present for? NTA.

LoveBeach8 wrote:

NTA. Your "friend" is the big AH here. She had no right to insist on being informed of your mom going to the resort at the same time as her wedding! Did your "friend" email the resort to demand that they have to turn away any guests that weren't invited to her wedding, as well? Your mom wasn't going to the wedding festivities.

She was simply going to enjoy the resort by herself then spend some time with you. I hope you don't have to work with that demanding woman. And I hope she's a better doctor than she is a friend.

PurpleBeast27 wrote:

NTA - who the heck has a destination wedding in another country and doesn't offer a + one??? Your mom wasn't going to horn in on the wedding, you weren't obligated to tell the bride as a guest you had someone else in your room. If you were part of the bridal party and had responsibilities that would be different but no, the bride was an A H for sooo many reasons!

SnooWalruses1164 wrote:

NTA.

Go on and book your trip to the same resort/time and just vacation with momma.

jrm1102 wrote:

NTA - absolutely not the AH.

Your mother going had no impact on anything to do with the wedding. Stinks to lose a friend, but cut your loses here. You're better off.

Clearly, OP is NTA here - her friend is drastically overreacting.