Woman gets randomly demoted from maid of honor in sister's wedding, decides not to go.
In theory, it's a given that you'd go to your sister's wedding.
But reality is far more complicated, and family dynamics can be a truly endless labyrinth of mixed signals and emotional slights. The saying 'nothing is thicker than blood' doesn't account for all of the emotional contradictions that live in a family dynamics.
To this very point, in a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not going to her sister's wedding.
She wrote:
AITA for not going to my sister's wedding?
My sister (35f) is getting married this fall. When she got engaged she asked me (30f) to be a bridesmaid approximately a year ago. Recently she gave out her bridesmaid proposal boxes and I did not receive one. I was cut out of the wedding party. I never said anything because personally I feel like it would come across selfish and if she selected people to be apart of her day then so be it.
I was hurt though. A little backstory, my sister and I have history. She has done some very wicked things to me. As example she had a baby when I was 15 YO and told me if I babysat for her every day after school she would gift me her old car on my 16th birthday. Fast forward after babysitting for 6+ hours every day for a year, she sold that car and kept the money, and told me to get over it.
My sister has excluded me from all wedding activities such as dress shopping etc and yet my SIL/Mom/Grandma etc have all been invited. Now back to the wedding, I recently got the invitation and scanned the QR code to go to her wedding site. Where I discovered that I was excluded from a plus one as well and cannot bring my boyfriend of 2 years.
If I were to go to this wedding that I was already de-bridesmaided, I would also have to attend alone. I decided I honestly did not want to go and told my mother. She’s calling me the a-hole telling me that I’m going to regret this and it’s ridiculous to not attend over some bad history and “your boyfriend not being allowed to come”. For reference it wasn’t about the plus one, it was just my final straw.
AITA or am I justified in my decision?
People had a lot of thoughts about this sibling dynamic.
sliu198 wrote:
NTA. Your sister has the right to control her guest list and bridesmaids. You have the right to not attend for any reason. Your mom is TA for trying to force you to attend.
UpperClick480 wrote:
NTA but it beats me why you still had a relationship with her and especially to the point of accepting to be a bridesmaid.
jesusjuice81 wrote:
NTA. She will regret it when you finally go Nc with her. Tell her you’ll come to her next one.
Historical-Goal-3786 wrote:
NTA. I bet you're not even at the family table. Golden child probably won't even notice you're not there and mom is pissed because she lost her clean up crew. Go on a romantic date with your SO.
IamIrene wrote:
NTA. Your mother isn't being very understanding and I'm sorry for that. That you don't even get a +1 is interesting, especially being the sister of the bride. Adding that on top of being unceremoniously bumped from the wedding party and being excluded from all wedding activities, I'd consider not going too. That's a whole box of 'slights' you didn't sign up for.
If anyone is going to regret this situation, it will be your mother and sister who will have the dubious duty of explaining your absence.
Clearly, OP is NTA, but her mom and sister are big ones who may lose her if they don't change course.