'AITA for backing out as bridesmaid months before the wedding because of costs?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid months before the wedding?"
Here's the original post:
I 18f, was asked back in September by my cousin’s fiancée to be a bridesmaid to their wedding, which is in march, I agreed, but let her know in advance that I had lost my job back in august due to college schedules, and that I hadn’t been able to find a new one for said reason, she assured me the prices were going to be very comfortable for me,
and that she would have it into consideration but to “please grant her the honor” She also showed me the infinity dresses she wanted from amazon ($35)
I agreed, BUT then last week she came up with a group chat, where she stated the prices, which are these:
Bridesmaids Cost: Infinity dress: $100 Pink Vans: $80 Bachelorette Airbnb: $100 Makeup: $130 Hair: $60 Matching Jewelry: $30
Apparently she found the same dresses at a local boutique, at a “slightly” higher price.
When I asked about the prices she told me to just ask someone to lend me the money (we have until Tuesday, jan.10 to pay) and that it wasn’t a big deal. I honestly don’t have the money or anyone whatsoever to “lend” me that amount, so i just told her I couldn’t afford it.
I know it’s a little late to find another bridesmaid, but I just cant risk spending money on a wedding that isn’t mine, especially when I have rent, and other bills to pay. I also think I’ve been uninvited, so AITA?
What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say about it:
JegHaderStatistik said:
NTA at all, expecting an 18 year old, regardless of whether they have of a job or not, to pay 500$ for a wedding is ridiculous.
CogentHawk said:
NTA. She was at 35 in September. She’s at 500 in Jan. 35 to 500 is quite a leap and not “slightly” at all. You didn’t wait 4 months to back out, she waited 4 months to pull a fast one. You backed out immediately after. She has 2 months now to find a bridesmaid who will be happy to shell that out. This one is not on you.
[deleted] said:
NTA. It is a despicable idea to want anyone to go into debt just to look pretty in wedding pictures. As for being uninvited, well count yourself lucky. You then don't have to spend money on a gift either. This person is clearly not a friend.
Agirlisarya01 said:
NTA, she’s being ridiculous. She had the nerve to ask you to go into debt to be her bridesmaid? After being told clearly that you were on a budget. Hell no. Absolutely not. Don’t feel even a little bit guilty about telling Bridezilla this isn’t going to work.
wtfaidhfr said:
NTA. Completely unrealistic to give that total price with only 2 weeks notice. Hair and makeup should be optional, and she basically TRIPLED the price of the dress alone.
She later shared this update on the situation:
Thank you for all the comments and pov’s in the last post, I want to clarify that although the bride and I are not family, I’ve always been closer with her than with my cousin. I wanted to give an update on how everything turned out since we had “until today” to pay the $500.
Yesterday she sent a message to the weeding group chat saying that she would be changing bridesmaid and calling off the bachelorette party since only ONE (out of 16 people assisting the bachelorette party) and ONE (out of four) bridesmaids had paid. (Two, and myself bailed for the pricing.)
She asked me again, saying that the dresses were actually $35, but she was running out of funds for the bachelorette and decided that was the “best” way to pay for it. The plans changed, we pay the $35 PERSONALLY to the seller, and accessories are optional and out choice. I advised her to give out refunds to the people who paid because it isn’t right to use other people’s money like that. And she did.
At this point i am only going as a bridesmaid for support, and even though I hate to say it I felt bad that she ended up by herself. So I agreed. Her guests are starting to cancel, since she also tried to charge them in advance for food and drinks, I’m currently trying t help her do things right and accept that she needs to accommodate according to her budget.
And yes, we’re on good terms I think, trying to be a good friend rn. Again, thank you all.