Groom has 'more fun' with female BFF than bride on wedding day, bride blames his BFF.
Weddings are so much fun! Unless they're not. Friendships, for instance, are often tested more at weddings than any other function.
PumpkinTheViking has been friends with a recent groom since they both moved to the US from Norway. She upset the bride when the groom chose to hang out with her after their wedding instead. Following a very aggressive series of messages from the bride and her sister, OP went to Reddit to ask:
'AITA (am I the a-hole) for my BFF having “more fun” with me on his wedding day than with his wife?'
PumpkinTheViking writes:
So, myself (23F) and my best friend “Alex” (23M) have been best friends since I moved to America from Norway when I was 11. We were grouped in the same classes together, he was extremely welcoming and kind to my shy self, and we got on instantly. Fast forward 12 years, and we’re about as close as you can be.
So, Alex has been dating “Gabbie” (23F) since our freshman year of high school. I wouldn’t consider her a friend, but we’re acquaintances and get along just fine. We’ve never had a problem with each other, or at least I didn’t think we did.
What does THAT mean?
Fast forward to last Saturday, the two of them are getting married. The wedding was a blast, everyone has a great time, the whole thing goes off without a hitch. Then comes the after party, where the fun drinks come out and the kids go up to their rooms (the venue was a hotel).
With all the important stuff out of the way, Alex and Gabbie are now completely free to mingle. Gabbie goes off with her friend group and family for a bit, Alex hangs out with me and our group. Everyone is drinking together and having a good time, and Alex has the bright idea to play a drinking game.
Without going into vivid detail, Alex’s stomach decides to relieve him of its contents after about 7 beers. He’s drunk, I only have a little buzz going, one of our friends didn’t partake at all, so me and our friend help Alex up to his room while he’s mumbling some hilarious f***ing shit, and when we get him into bed, he says “Best day ever!”
I thought everything was all well and good. Everyone leaves the venue the next day, although I figured something was up because Gabbie was being somewhat passive aggressive towards me instead of her usual friendliness.
I then get a long a** text from her late at night, basically saying I had “ruined her big day by getting him drunk” and that he “always has more fun with you, he should’ve married you instead,” and she capped it all off with a very eloquent “seriously Astrid, go f*** yourself.”
I didn’t even respond, because it honestly p*ssed me off that she would say “he should’ve married you instead.” Number one, we’ve never had that vibe at all, and number two, it was his f***ing idea to play the game. Don’t blame me for going along with what your husband wanted to do for fun during an after party (it was admittedly a great f***ing time though).
Since then, Gabbie’s sister has taken the liberty of DMing me on social media (she doesn’t have my number) and reiterating what an a-hole I am for ruining their big day, which I find f***ing hilarious since the day was already over. It was the after party, nothing was ruined except for a pair of pants.
Our friend group is of course on my side saying that Gabbie is completely overreacting, and Alex said everything is going to be fine and she just needs time to calm down about it. AITA (am I the a-hole) or was this a complete overreaction on the part of Gabbie and her family?
OP later added an edit:
Edit: Just clarifying to say I did help him get his pants off with a male friend. After that, we got him water bottles and our friend stayed with him while I went to my room. I realize this is crossing a boundary, but wasn’t thinking of it in the moment.
Europeans are thought to have more liberal boundaries but she did say they grew up and met in the US.
OP doesn't seem to think there was any wrongdoing but what did the internet think?
heatedwirez writes:
I mean, getting drunk enough to throw up on your wedding day is pretty stupid and disrespectful to your partner... But that's his responsibility not yours. I don't blame his now wife for being annoyed, but it should be directed at him not you.
You're NTA (not the a-hole) but surely you can understand why she's pissed (her family contacting you is ridiculous).
TermAggravating8043 took the opposing view:
I really can’t help thinking there’s more here. I know men and woman can be best friends, no argument about that, but I do think it’s a bit odd he was getting pissed with his friends instead of being with his wife ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT. Did not one of you think to say where’s your bride? Why aren’t you with her?
You’ve been friends with him for so long but wouldn’t consider her to be a friend? Why not? If she makes him happy why not make more effort? I don’t think her jealousy is entirely misplaced, yeah I get once the official parts of a wedding are done it’s nice to relax but this was meant to be their night together and he spent it with you.
Her comment about him marrying you instead is not so misplaced, you seem to be fairly smug about having a good time with him on his wedding night and don’t care that both your actions have hurt her. I’m going YTA (you're the a-hole) cause I think your THAT friend and this was their wedding night.
drinking-up-the-tea writes:
NTA (not the a-hole) Alex choose to spend the evening of his wedding with another woman and get drunk 🚩🚩
But OP responded:
With his friend group* Don’t make it into something it isn’t. She was also drinking with her friends, the only difference is she didn’t get drunk.
DreamingofRlyeh didn't let anyone off the hook:
ESH (everyone sucks here) Alex is the biggest AH (a-hole) for ignoring his wife to get drunk on their wedding day. Your group is the AH for going along with this. Gabbie is a minor AH for laying all the blame on your feet, instead of acknowledging that the majority of it lies with the husband who chose booze over his bride.
It's a toss-up!
Everyone seemed to think it was strange that the bride and groom didn't spend the night in the same location. After-party or not, they're usually together. But everyone that called OP the a-hole thought something else has been going on. Either way, not a great start to a marriage.