'AITA for skipping my BFF's wedding after she uninvited my fiancé over his past infidelity?' UPDATED

"AITA for Skipping My Friend's Wedding After She Uninvited My Fiancé Over Past Issues?"

So, here's the situation: My close friend Jess and I have been buddies for 12 years, and we've both been looking forward to her wedding. Recently, my fiancé Will and I faced a rough patch due to his infidelity, but we've worked through it with therapy, and things are getting better.

As the wedding approaches, Jess drops a bombshell – she's uninviting Will because of how he treated me during that challenging time. I understand her concern, but he's genuinely changed and even gifted them money for their wedding photos. I tried explaining our progress, but she remains firm.

In a show of solidarity with my partner, I've decided not to attend the wedding. Am I the asshole for supporting my fiancé in this situation?

What do you think? Is she the AH for skipping her friend's wedding? This is what top commenters had to say:

7hr0wn said:

Tough one, but going with YTA. The thing about friends is, when you vent to them about your relationship issues, they listen. They hear you. They remember. You may have forgiven Will. That's fine. Jess hasn't. She remembers how you were treated. She remembers how you were hurt. She doesn't want that memory at her wedding. That's completely reasonable and understandable.

If you're not able to understand her perspective on this, and set aside your feelings for one day to honor her, then that's on you. If you can't be apart from Will for one day, then I don't think this relationship is as healthy as you claim it is.

Lowland-lady said:

Soft yta. What are you trying to prove? She saw her good friend get hurt by a guy she wasn't/isn't having it. She dislikes the fact he has hurt you. Would you want someone who has hurt someone you are close with at your wedding?

Temporary_Handle_647 said:

YTA You’ve known your friend for 12 years and it’s the happiest day of her life - a once in a lifetime (hopefully) day, her wedding and you won’t attend because you want to ‘stand by your man’ who cheated on you. The ultimate betrayal. Yet you’ll throw away a 12 year friendship over him? GIRL!!

Due-Librarian-5886 said:

YTA because she clearly knew what was going on, there for you in the situation. And if he cheated and then treated you badly? In your words “things are getting better” they aren’t okay right now. Plus every cheater changes that first time they get caught.

And if she’s anything like my husband and I we don’t associate with cheaters. Because as a married couple, we don’t associate with people who don’t respect or their partner enough to simply stay faithful.

Hard YTA for choosing a cheater over the biggest day in your friends life. When your fiancé chose to behave in a way that would make him unwelcome around people who care about you

PsychologicalRoll705 said:

YTA for expecting people to tolerate someone who treated you bad. He hasn't earned their trust or respect back so they don't want him to attend, that is their prerogative. You can take him back after he cheated but nobody else has to accept him back. Jess can support you but she doesn't have to support your relationship.

You have to decide if you want to throw away an important person who has been a loyal friend to you for 12 years over someone who isn't loyal to you and cheated 3 months ago. I personally think you're choosing the wrong person in this situation and you'll hurt Jess by not going.

If he is trying to show you that he loves you and is sorry, he would support you attending and realise that his actions have consequences.

And lihzee said:

NAH. Jess isn't an AH for not wanting a cheater and someone who hurt someone she cares about at her wedding. You can not attend if you really want to "show solidarity" with this man, but don't be surprised when he cheats again and Jess is no longer your friend because you chose this unreliable man over her.

ETA - Jess is in no way in the wrong here, imo. You and Will are the AHs if there are any. Will sounds like he is one regardless of this situation.

Verdict: YTA. Do you agree?

After reading all the comments, OP shared this brief update on the situation:

Thank you to everyone who commented. It was harsh but I needed to hear it. I understand now that if I bail on her I am the a-hole so I plan on speaking with my partner tonight. If I can figure out how to do an update I will in the morning.

She later wrote this somewhat disheartening follow-up:

We spoke and he is hurt to be left out so much so he was crying. I don’t want to miss out she’s like a sister to me but I don’t know I’m just wanting peace but I feel like if I go I’m choosing her over him. Will and I are working on us and I don’t want to ruin that