Sis won't attend wedding after bride imposes 'dress code' for guests; 'I have scars'.
Planning a wedding can bring out the worst in people. To satisfy their whims, how much are family expected to bend before breaking?
A disappointed sister came to Reddit to ask:
'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for not attending my sister's wedding because of her dress code?'
cheesyfrie writes:
I (18F) recently decided I’m not attending my sisters (21F) wedding. My sister has her dream wedding planned, she has been dreaming of her wedding all her life and has everything down to the t. She has her cake, her venue, her dress, the bridesmaids dresses and the flower arrangements all prepared.
She sat me and my sisters down to show us the dresses she wanted us to wear. They were cute flowy pink gowns with lace around the neck area. We all loved them but I had a problem, they were short sleeved.
Now her wedding is in the summer so short sleeves are kind of a must have, but I have scars all down my arms and do not want them on show at the wedding.
I pulled her aside and asked if I could get a dress with sleeves or if I could wear sleeved gloves.
That's a reasonable solution.
She said no and that she wants everyone to look the same, so I couldn’t wear sleeves or have a different dress.
I said I wasn’t comfortable having my arms on show around such a large amount of people and that you would see them in all the pictures.
She asked if I could just put makeup on my arms but I have keloid scars and makeup won’t cover them at all. She then said if I wasn’t going to cooperate I just shouldn’t come. She told my family I was being difficult and didn’t want to obey the dress code because I wanted to be “different”.
Wow, that's a way to put it.
She sent out her invites a few weeks ago and messaged me asking why I haven’t confirmed that I’m going. I said that I’m still not comfortable being in short sleeves and that I will just not attend since I don’t want to ruin her perfect day by dressing differently.
She complained saying that she had already bought the dresses and I said I’ll give her the money for mine, but she didn’t listen.
I know I probably sound selfish and I shouldn’t let my own issues be priority over my sister's wedding but I don’t like being in short sleeves and there’s no other way to work around it.
And to add, I was not a bridesmaid. My sister wanted all the girls in our side of the family to wear the same dress as it’s similar to hers.
What's the solution, here? Should OP compromise this one day, or are some things too much to ask?
Here's what Reddit had to say...
LastGoodBadIdea says:
NTA - You came up with a perfect solution with the gloves. Her not accepting it because of some ridiculous perfectionist aesthetic that no one will care about is absurd. She'd rather have things look a certain way (again, that no one will notice except her) than have her sister at her wedding. She's making a shitty choice. I'm sorry it's hurting you.
formerNPC comments:
I’ve never heard of making all the guests wear the same clothes. Does this include all the women in the family like grandma or cousins that may or may not have the perfect body to her liking and therefore not look good in that particular dress or did she decide that only certain women have to wear this dress.
What a control freak and actually borderline crazy to insist on something so ridiculous. NTA, stay home and have a fun day without the going to her circus!
OP responds:
All females on my sisters side wear baby pink gowns and on her husbands side all females wear grey gowns. Bridesmaids in magenta gowns and guests have to wear either a pink or grey suit or pink or grey dress.
LavenderPearlTea says:
It’s going to look like you guys belong to a cult.
From OP:
Any poor sod walking past is gonna think there’s some kind of ritual going on 💀
yourlittlebirdie asks:
What would happen if you just came to her wedding and wore something different, or wore the dress with a jacket/sweater?
OP replies:
I’m pretty sure she’d kick me out, haha.
rapt2right says:
Uhm, uhm....the bride doesn't get to put the guests in costume. She gets to dress the bridal party (and too many go overboard with that) but guests can only be told how formal or informal the celebration will be & then trusted to dress appropriately.
It's particularly awful in your case because you have a legitimate reason, beyond personal style, to prefer to cover your arms. You are the one living with the scars, you get to decide whether you want to keep them covered or not. It's terrible that she's putting her 'vision' ahead of your needs.
So, there you have it!
OP's sister is the only A-hole here, and a pretty big one. If she wants her family at her wedding, she needs to show them basic respect.