Bride excludes only one niece from wedding day, 'I don't want any tantrums;' AITA?
We've heard of strict child-free weddings, or kid-filled receptions where the soundtrack to the sentimental speeches is a 3-year-old screaming about chicken nuggets...
What about a 'child-free mostly but only some kids are allowed' wedding, though? So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her allegedly bratty niece, people were eager to deem a verdict.
WIBTA for inviting one child, but not her sister?
There's three children involved:
Holden (4, my son)
Elle (8, partner's sister's daughter)
Sofia (6, partner's sister's daughter)
I'm getting married in a year; it's a very exciting time but we can't exactly agree on a wedding list.
My son is an obvious invite and honestly I thought other than him it'd be a childfree wedding, our own child should take priority over nieces but that was my thought process.
Our nieces are very involved in our lives as they live just down the road and we're my SIL'S first choice for childcare which she needs more often than not.
Partner said they wanted Sofia and Elle involved in the wedding, and yeah I can picture that because it's such a cliche thing to do isn't it?
But then I thought maybe Holden would get bored during the wedding and thought maybe he and Sofia could be involved in the wedding, they're close friends being so close in age.
The reason I don't want Elle involved is because she's sulky, cries over everything and starts fights with the other children and then blames them and cries when told off. Usually I can deal with it but is it so wrong I don't want to deal with it on my wedding day?
Partner told me it would be both girls because it's their wedding and I told them it'd be neither if they wanted both because I don't want to deal with any tantrums on our wedding day.
Holden wants Sofia there, he's asked for her there specifically. Partner has finally agreed on just Sofia at the wedding as long as we do something with just Elle to even it out but honestly I'm worried about how my SIL will take it?
My side is:
Elle cries at everything
Everytime she's with Holden or Sofia she'll start a fight with them and then cry over it.
I just want everything to go smoothly and I know my son and Sofia will be well-behaved and Holden specially asked for Sofia.
(I've told her mum to get help but I'm not Elle's mother so that's neither here or there.)
I'm just completely exhausted, at the end of the six week holiday I would've spent 4 weeks looking after her and it's been this way since she was around two.
Here's what people had to say about the child-free wedding drama...
dianaprince76 said:
YTA and a solid one. They’re sisters. You can’t include one and not the other. And how can you explain to them that you’ll allow a 6 year old and not an 8 year old? She will forever remember and this will forever cause problems in the family.
If I were her mother I’d not allow one without the other, I’d never allow my kid to be singled out, ostracized and uninvited, screw your desire to have a playmate for your son at your wedding.
lady_k13 said:
Honey, she's 8. Yes, it's your wedding. But one day of comfort for you can cause years of discomfort for her. She's not going to be able to understand your reasoning, and it will affect her to be singled out and excluded that way. All children or no children, those are the options. I'm sorry, but YTA.
demonknight2004 said:
YTA. If you want no drama then either all children come or stick to a childfree wedding and have no children come instead of playing favourites. Have you not wondered if Elle gets picked on by the others as well? Why such resentment for a little child? Just don't cry when you get excluded from events.
batmeralina said:
YTA. Poor Elle. Imagine being told that you can't go to the wedding of your uncle but your sister's allowed to. This could seriously effect her mental health long term. If I were her mother, my whole family wouldn't come if you're going to exclude one of us.
[deleted] said:
I mean, ok it's your wedding, but where does this wedding perfection plan comes from? Do you really expect nothing to go even slightly wrong? How come Elle is regarded as a 100% trouble, can she really not behave?
Like ever? How much time did you spend around her? Your smooth plan will blow up in your face unless even Elles parent don't like her and are willing to leave her home and go without her. YTA I guess.
anne_darcy said:
YTA. Not a question of whether or not you would be. You can't invite one child and not the other to a wedding. You can have a talk with you sister in law and ask her to take care of the children at your wedding.
SamSpayedPI said:
YWBTA. It's fine to invite both girls; it's fine to not invite either girl. But you can't invite one sister and not the other (assuming they're old enough to remember it -- i.e. older than two).
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride would be fully in the wrong to only invite one of her nieces and not the other. While children have been known to scream and cry during vows, throw temper tantrums about the food, or whine on the dance floor--if you don't want kids at your wedding, don't invite any kids.
Picking and choosing which kids to invite based on your own arbitrary behavior report card is definitely going to make you the subject of the family group chat gossip.