Bride excludes sister from bridal party because of 'her looks;' AITA?

Every bride wants to look and feel like a movie star on her wedding day with nothing that could potentially steal the spotlight of bridal bliss...

So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not her sister should be in her bridal party, people were ready for the juicy family gossip.

AITA for Not Making My Sister a Bridesmaid Because of Her Looks?

Background: I (25F) am a homely looking girl. There is no other way to say it; I am not hot or even pretty by most people's standards.

My sister (27F), 'Bella' is one of the most beautiful women who has ever walked this planet. Like, got stopped on the street and in the mall multiple times while we were growing up for modeling opportunities.

We have different dads, and I guess she just won the genetic lottery. I was jealous of her as a kid, especially because we were always compared to one another. I'm 5'4, average body, slightly below average face. She's 5'11, thin, and all around just really gorgeous.

She's also a genuinely great person. She's humble and sweet, and even though she could've made a living off of her looks, she ended up going into social work and now works with kids in foster care. Her and I are close.

We see one another a bit less since she moved to a new city with her husband, but we constantly text and call. I was her maid of honor two years ago at her wedding.

Four months ago my fiancé (30M), Allen, proposed to me and I said yes. My family was excited for me and they all like him. Him and I have been together for just over two years. Bella and Allen are close as well, and we often have them over for dinner or go to their house for game nights.

Now to the issue. I thought about it a lot and decided to not have Bella in my bridal party. I just wanted one day where we weren't standing side-by-side, being compared.

I wanted to be the pretty one standing at the alter on my day. I've gotten over my jealousy of her for the most part and accepted myself for how I look and who I am, but the thought of everyone looking at her at my wedding broke my heart.

She obviously thought she would be my maid of honor, and so before I asked anyone to be in my bridal party, I went to her house to talk to her. I didn't want her to hear through the grapevine or social media that she wasn't only not my maid of honor, but not in my bridal party at all. When I went over and told her and explained my reasoning, she started to cry.

She didn't get mad at me, but she said it was really hurtful that I'd exclude her because of the way she looks. I understand her point. Her and I are best friends. She's been giving me a bit of a cold shoulder since this happened, and my parents (both our mom and each of our dads) have called me a major AH for doing this to her, saying she's more upset than she let on but didn't want to taint 'my day' with drama.

She RSVP'd to the wedding invite, so I know she'll still be coming no matter what, but I feel bad that I have excluded her just because of her looks now. So, AITA?

Later, she edited the post to include:

Edit: Alright, I get in a general sense that people think I am an AH for hurting her feelings and being insecure and selfish. I have been in therapy for family issues and self-image issues since the day I turned 18, but it hasn't 100% sorted itself out yet. I work on it every day.

I didn't add this in my original post, but I have a facial deformity because my jaw did not form correctly in the womb, leaving my chin and mouth deformed. My family has never let me forget this part of myself. I have cut most of them out of my life, but the trauma is still there.

I love my sister, and after talking with Allen, we have decided not to have bride or groom parties at all. I will try to talk to her at some point this weekend and apologize for letting my insecurities get in the way of our relationship and explain that I won't have any MOH or bridesmaids.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this bridal party drama...

RevRagnarok said:

The softest YTA I have ever bestowed. At the wedding, you would be 100% be the center of attention. Nobody who cares about the people compares the bride in the way that you fear. Now, the question 'What happened between the sisters?' will be front-and-center. I highly recommend you re-evaluate.

Holiday_Cat_7284 said:

YTA. You say that Allen and Bella get on and you don't seem eaten up with insecurity over their relationship. He asked YOU to marry him, not your sister. Nobody else's opinion matters, surely? Who cares what Auntie Mary's husband's brother thinks?

Look at it this way, which is what I did with my much better looking best friend on my wedding day. Everyone is expecting Bella to look fabulous all the time. There's no surprise in it for anyone who knows you both. But you... you're going to be dressed up to the nines, special make up and hair. You will look very different, and people will notice.

Don't go for a boring dress, wear something really memorable and different. Choose a muted colour for Bella's dress. Smile more brightly than her, because after all its your special day. And you will shine.

tired-bookdragon said:

Coming from a fellow sister who did not turn out to be “the pretty one,” I’m unfortunately going to have to say YTA.

I understand that it’s hard to think about your wedding day and everyone looking at your sister instead of you—and possibly even comparing the two of you to each other. But here’s the thing: no one is going to look at the bridesmaids on your wedding day. They’ll be directing their attention to you and your fiancé.

I understand the insecurities and the deep-rooted image issues. But trust me, you’ll want your sister there to help you through the best day of your life.

bethholler said:

You say you’ve gotten over your jealousy of her and accepted yourself for how you look but I don’t think you have. If you were really over it and you loved yourself you wouldn’t be worried about standing up next to her at your wedding. You still sound deeply insecure.

Neither you nor your sister can help how you look. If you don’t want her to stand up next you as a maid of honor or bridesmaids that’s your choice but doing so because she is pretty is crappy and imo not a good enough reason. YTA.

JulieOAdventureLady said:

I really don't want to say YTA, because you only KIND of are. I don't want to bring you down but need to give some life perspective.

My best friend died of cancer on my wedding day. We knew she wouldn't be there but I never expected THAT. She was my Maid of Honour, even still when we knew she wouldn't be able to attend. She was prettier than me, wittier, taller. Thinner. Smarter.

The people we love won't be here forever. We won't be here forever. Please reconsider. I would give anything for that beautiful lady to outshine me for just one more day with her.

I would give anything for her to be HERE still with her perfect family she left behind. Life is so short. So so so so short. If you love her and she loves you...Then please reconsider.

Particular_Title42 said:

Unfortunately, YTA. She has no control over the way that she looks and she's both your best friend AND your sister. Weddings are designed for the bride to be the beautiful center of attention.

The bride is set apart in every way and nobody but a raging AH would actually sit and compare a bridesmaids to the bride. You feel badly because you've hurt her and you need to fix it.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride was wrong to consider excluding her sister because of her appearance, but this issue probably runs a whole lot deeper than a wedding decision. Jealousy is complicated and weddings tend to bring out years of unearthed family feuds. Good luck, everyone!