Bride refuses to let flower girl attend wedding in pajamas. AITA? (PIC INCLUDED)
"AITA for not letting my niece wear pajamas to my wedding?"
I got married last weekend. The morning of, everything was going great until my sister arrived (she was a bridesmaid). My 3 year old niece was with her and wearing pajamas. I didn’t think much of it at first, as it was still morning and figured they were both changing.
My sister got in her dress and then tried to put my niece in hers. My niece was not having it and threw a huge tantrum. This was a dress she had worn before, tags were cut off. It wasn’t a fancy dress by any means, my sister said she had bought it from Carter’s.
Eventually, my sister said it wasn’t worth the struggle and she didn’t have to wear the dress. I asked what the plan was. She said “she’ll just wear her pajamas”.
For reference, her niece was wearing this.
They weren’t clean either and smeared with my niece’s breakfast from the morning. My niece was the flower girl. I said from the start, I don’t care what she wears, so long as it matched the color scheme (which this didn’t).
She could either wear a dress or a polo and khakis. Anything semi formal. I get dressing kids in fancy clothes is a chore so I tried to make it easy.
But I felt this was a step too far. I asked my sister if she could go buy something else, as we were near a Target and Old Navy. My sister said it wasn’t a big deal. I said it was to me. We went back and forth until it became clear my niece couldn’t come to the wedding (even if she wasn’t a flower girl) in the pajamas.
Finally, my sister got my niece dressed. My niece was kicking and screaming; she threw a whole tantrum. She was calmed down before we walked down the aisle, but my sister was visibly upset.
Later on, my sister made it clear she thought I was a bridezilla and I should’ve just let it go. Am I an a**%ole?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. I understand that kids at that age are unpredictable and will have a tantrum over something as little as a spoon, but you already gave your niece a relaxed enough dress code that your sister would've had options if the dress didn't work out. Did you try to help your sister dress your niece or help calm her down?
OP responded:
I offered. My sister told me not to help. She did the same when my mom offered.
If that's the case, then your sister has to bear the brunt of the responsibility for her child's actions.
There's a fine line between being accommodating, and letting someone run roughshod. You did the right thing.
NTA. It sounds like you were as accommodating as possible. Since the kid was part of the wedding party, dirty pjs are just not ok.
Honestly, your sister sounds like a lazy parent. Giving in to every little tantrum is gonna bite her in the ass one day, and then she'll be wondering why she has no respect from the kid and no authority.
As a parent, it's about picking your battles, and a wedding is absolutely the time to fight. NTA.
NTA. Little kids aren't a fan of weddings, that's expected. Your sister should've had some sort of backup dress that matched the scheme just in case her daughter didn't want to wear the flower girl dress.
Your sister shouldn't have been mad at you for wanting your niece to look nice for your wedding.
OP responded again:
It wasn’t even a flower girl dress. It’s one she’s worn before and is comfortable with.
Thank you for your judgment.
NTA. Children need to learn how to function in the world. We wear nice clothes to weddings.
NTA. Sometimes I think brides focus too much on the aesthetics of their 'perfect day' but I think it's perfectly reasonable to not want a kid in dirty pyjamas in your wedding photos. Understandably your sister was stressed by her tantruming child, but she almost certainly wouldn't have let someone in dirty pjs in her wedding photos either.
After hearing from all of the readers, the OP returned with her final comments:
Guys, stop making assumptions about my niece. She’s normally a funny, sassy and great kid. She had one off moment. I wanted her in the wedding, my sister didn’t force her. There was no one else to watch her and I did offer to have her just be a guest while all of this was going on but said she still couldn’t wear her pajamas.