Bride's brother asks if he'd be wrong to boycott wedding over dress code.

Between 'cocktail casual,' 'formal,' and 'black tie,' wedding dress codes can be confusing...

While it's always better to be overdressed than under-dressed, what happens when you have a medical excuse not to wear a gown? So, when a conflicted brother decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about his partner's problems with his sister's wedding dress code, people were eager to hear the juicy family gossip.

"WIBTA for not going to my sister's wedding due to dress code?"

My sister has just told us she is getting married in August which is nice however, the dress code us smart casual but females must wear dresses.

My partner can't wear dresses due to lots of trauma, an abusive father and a bullied childhood, this dress code has already caused a panic attack or two but I'm afraid my sister has no leeway even though she knows the circumstances. I asked my sister if there was leeway, and she just said no, ' she has 6 months to get comfortable with it.'

Later, the post was edited to include:

My sister has decided that smart trousers for my partner is okay, however a new dilemma has arisen, shoes, added context is incoming, including the trauma, my partner also has quite a sever pain condition called CRPS and when it comes to footwear there is only one type of shoe she can wear that isn't specifically made for her.

They're quite smart trainers but not smart enough and my sister has made it very clear that she cannot wear those shoes. I understand that it can come across as tacky. But I have to put my partners needs above my sisters wants.

Further details were provided:

EDIT: I'm seeing a few comments saying there seems to be some missing information from both parties which is a valid observation so let me add it. Myself and my partner have been together for coming up to 4 years so my sister knows the situation.

I have autism along with anxiety disorders and stuffs, I also have a traumatic history with my brother, 20 years of bullying and fights and just veing misunderstood, our family came to blows quite a few years ago when myself and my partner got engaged, we got engaged 1 month after my sister.

This caused a lot of tension and many arguments and my brother decided it was his place to but in and now I haven't spoken to him in 3 years. That's our history.

I would love to be able to go to my sister's wedding, however with my history it just wouldn't be a good idea without my partner. I respect my sisters wishes and am saddened by the fact that a compromise can't be made between both parties. I hope this clear stuff up, please ask me any questions you want the answer too/

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

pottersquash said:

NTA. You can't go. Can't meet the code. Can't set a code then get mad when folk who can't meet it decline.

NeatCasual said:

NTA. All females must wear dresses? Send that absolute bulldust back to the 1800s.

Inconceivable44 said:

Based on the edit, YWBTA. It sounds like your sister is willing to compromise and has agreed to meet your partner halfway. Your partner sounds unwilling to do the same. I'm not getting Bridezilla vibes here. If your partner does not want to go, that's fine. You can go alone. This is your sister.

perfectpomelo3 said:

YTA. You are using your partner’s issues as an excuse to not go. Your sister gave her an exception to wear pants and now you’re claiming the only shoes your partner can wear are sneakers just to continue to have an excuse to not go.

If you gave a f$#k about going to your sister’s wedding you would go without your partner if she can’t make it. Since you have made it clear you don’t want to go just be honest with your sister instead of making up all the whiny excuses.

MistressFuzzylegs said:

NTA. Bride only gets to choose what bridal party wears. This is wild.

graceface103 said:

This is starting to read like 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie'...The dress? No, it's the shoes. New shoes? She's tried everything. 'Here are several suggestions that have worked for my similar condition.' No, too expensive. Maybe she can find some that aren't $500? No, she has a 'very particular style.'

Compromise on the style? Nope, plus, they're all still too expensive. Well, didn't you recently buy this (expensive thing someone mentioned that I'm not familiar with)? That was a gift. What about these $300 headphones?

Those were financed. Can't you finance the shoes and/or save up for 6 months and make an investment in something that you'll inevitably have to purchase anyway? Nope. Okay, can you go alone? Not with my brother there. Take someone else you trust? Nope, family only.

And on and on it goes. I'm not saying the issues aren't valid but it is feeling like it's just one thing after the other. I know you weren't here for solutions and much of this is out of your/your fiancé's control, but, sadly, if everything you've said is true, I am not sure why there's even a question in your sister's eyes? My late grandmother required a walker or wheelchair.

If I said, 'Sorry, walkers and wheelchairs are strictly forbidden', I wouldn't have called my grandmother and said 'I am waiting for your RSVP. You coming or not?' I had already made the decision for her.

If your sister considers true medical equipment to be part of a 'dress code', it seems a little odd that you're still wanting to go so badly and consider her your 'favorite person,' but that's your business.

If your partner DOES have a little wiggle room (which she must have a little bit because you mention that, money issue or not, she has a 'very particular style' preference) then I think its unfortunate she's not willing to be at all flexible and use the next 6 months to find something that suits her needs. Even if it's just for her sake.

You mention buying shoes to only ever wear for a few hours but that's not a fair assessment of the situation. If she has only one pair of shoes and it's the only thing she can wear all day, every day, she WILL have to have a second pair.

She's done growing so an investment in one non-trainer pair isn't nearly as absurd as you are trying to suggest. Quite the opposite, actually.

I know there's a lot that I don't know but I also feel like there's one of y'all that can be more flexible. With the information given and, admittedly not having a full grasp on the shoe situation, I really am not sure who that could be but whoever it is is the AH.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly mixed here, most people agreed that this brother can simply attend the wedding without his partner if she can't follow the dress code. Despite the issues with his brother, it seems like he's been looking for a reason to RSVP 'no,' anyway. Good luck, everyone...there's about to be some tension in the group chat.