Dad refuses to walk daughter who's marrying sister's ex down the aisle.
AITA for telling my daughter I won't be walking her down the aisle when she gets married?
My wife and I have three daughters including Sally and Jane. Jane dated Charlie for over a year before she found out he and Sally were together. Of course no one in our family was impressed with this and I've made it clear I don't support Charlie and Sally's relationship, because of what they did to Jane.
They both distanced themselves a bit from us after that.
This all happened around 6 years ago, Jane married John at the start of the year, and they welcomed a baby a few months ago. I told all three of my girls previously if they get married, I'll contribute xyz amount to their weddings. I did so for Jane's and they covered the rest.
Charlie and Sally are still together and engaged. I've offered the same xyz amount to their wedding, but that's the extent of my involvement. I won't be walking her down the aisle.
Sally is upset, saying that we're belittling their long term relationship and I'm holding something that happened years ago over her head.
AITA for telling my daughter I won't be walking her down the aisle when she gets married?
Extra information people are asking:
Sally is 31 and Jane is 29. Jane and Charlie were 23 when this happened.
Some are also asking why Jane invited Sally to her wedding, it's because my wife said she probably should as it's a big event. I don't think Jane expected them to come but they did.
Me and my wife are attending the wedding but Jane and my youngest are not.
We went to a family event a couple years ago when Jane and John were dating, they were there and so was Sally. I didn't find out about this until much later but apparently Sally had said some inappropriate things to John and he called her a b*tch, which created issues between John and Sally too.
A lot of people are asking what Sally said to John. It was pretty vulgar from what I heard, something along the lines of 'touching her...' (I'm sure you can fill in the rest)
Also received some comments and messages about more background information. Charlie and Jane went to the same college, Sally met Charlie through Jane. To my knowledge Charlie and Sally haven't apologized to Jane.
When the issue between Sally and John happened, Sally and Charlie were going through a 'rough phase' after the company Charlie worked for downsized. My wife asked her why she said these things to John, and she said she wasn't thinking straight, with her and Charlie's situation and felt upset.
As I mentioned in the main post, both Sally and Charlie distanced themselves from us after everything came to light, and kept minimal contact. They started regular contact again when Charlie was looking for a new job, and then again during their rough phase.
Here's what people thought in the comments:
IntrospectOnIt says:
NTA Sally is facing the long term consequences of her own actions. Her actions affected everyone, not just Jane.
laurpr2 says:
Jesus Christ. Do people not have family members who they love? Is unconditional parental love now out of fashion? I'd like to think that my parents would still be hesitant to sever our relationship even if I made a horrible choice in who I married...
Nukemind says:
So much this. As a kid my mother told me “I have to love you but not like you.” A bit harsh to tell a kid, but I get the sentiment as an adult. There are definitely family members I love, but I would not tolerate them- that is I would not support their actions.
Key-Bit1208 says:
NTA. Sally knew what she was doing when she had an affair with her sister’s boyfriend. She made her choice.
userabe says:
NTA, it wasn’t something that “happened years ago”. It’s still happening, today. There’s something so wrong and just plain dumb about sleeping with your sibling’s partner (while they’re still together), and then continuing that relationship.