Man asks how to decline being in cousin's wedding because her fiancé is, 'human garbage.' AITA?
"AITA for declining to be in the wedding of a marriage I don't agree with?"
bettiola
I was invited to be in my cousin's wedding. NOBODY (and I mean nobody) in our family likes the groom. He's rude to her at family gatherings, sits alone by himself, criticizes her every chance he gets in front of her family and is just an all around bad fit for her. Her parents think this, my immediate family all thinks and so does her immediate family.
Last X-mas, a month or so after he proposed to her, we all sat her down and told her that it was a bad idea to follow through with this and that he wasn't right for her at all. She was bawling her eyes out at the news of this.
Leading up to their proposal, our family made it very clear to her that it wasn't a good fit. Nevertheless, they're getting married next year.
My cousin is someone who has struggled holding a boyfriend her entire life. And I believe she finally lowered her bar so far to find this dirtbag of a fiancé that she can't imagine leaving him now that she's gotten this far into a relationship.
Now, for my issue. I'm being asked to be in the wedding (I've only been in one wedding before (not including my own)) so I'm not quite sure how declining works. According to my sister (who's been in MANY weddings), I cannot say no.
If I were to say no, I'd be insulting the bride, groom, both their families and so on. She says if I am to decline I'd be creating ramifications that include being put on my Aunt's and Uncle's bad sides. Keep in mind, my Aunt and Uncle despise this guy.
I asked my mother the same thing and she said I could always decline and say it's due to financial reasons. But my sister says that's not good enough and that it will still create this detrimental divide between our families.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Wonderful-Lie-650
NTA. Your sister has an extreme opinion on this. But you can decline to be in the wedding. Financial issues and lack of free time on your part are decent excuses.
TheRedSkittle4
In addition, could also say “I don’t want to hold any responsibility, I would be most comfortable being a guest only”.
BlueGreen_1956
NTA. You can decline by saying "I decline." And when asked for your reason, you can say "I don't want to." Why do people think they are owed a reason for decisions made by others.
Example:
I am breaking up with you.
Why?
Because I want to.
End of story.
Radiant-Appearance69
Without knowing your culture, it is difficult to say whether it is socially acceptable to decline being in the wedding. In Midwestern white culture, it is absolutely not in poor taste to decline to be in the wedding party for a variety of reasons.
That said, I would think about it deeply. From your description, this does sound like a bad decision, but if you are not supportive of her you could end up pushing her away from her family eliminating her support network for when she finally does realize that this was a bad idea. If this is a close cousin, she will need you by her side.
RichSignal7022
NTA. The way I went about declining was just saying "No thanks, I don't want to be a bridesmaid" and that was for the wedding of an immediate family member which I did approve of. Your cousin already knows her whole family don't approve of the wedding so I don't see why you can't just tell her the real reason.
Your sister's reaction seems overly dramatic. Is the only reason she's been involved in so many weddings because she thinks being a bridesmaid is like jury duty and you can't turn it down?