Guy asks if he's wrong for not allowing fiancé to have dog wedding at their wedding.
Jessica(30F) and I(29M) are getting married next year. We've been doing the wedding planning, got places and things picked out, its been going good until we hit this snag. Abby is Jessica's best friend and maid of honor. Both love dogs, they both have dogs.
When we started talking about the wedding Jessica told me all about this plan they both had that when each of them got married, they'd have a doggy wedding ceremony between their dogs and their future husband's dogs at the same time.
I don't have a dog, not a dog guy, so there is no potential for that to happen. I like her dog enough and let her do what she will with him. I do get him treats and toys sometimes. I thought that would be the last I heard of that.
She and Abby started to talk about how cute it would be to include both of their dogs in our wedding party. Not my thing, but I have friends and family that have done something similar and I want her to enjoy the day so I said okay thinking they'd just be up at the alter or something like that.
Nope. They want their dogs to get *married* during our wedding. I wasn't too keen on the idea and raised concerns like what would they do with both dogs for the rest of the day? What if the venue we picked doesn't allow pets? We went back and forth and I agreed that they could do their dog ceremony at the end of our ceremony.
A couple of weeks later Jessica and Abby bring it up again–they want parts of the reception to be dedicated to their dogs' *friendship*. Sh*t like puppy picture slideshow, a cake for them, dog-friendly favor bags because they want their friends and her family to bring their dogs too.
I told them no, and that I already made one compromise on the issue and don't want a bunch of dogs around for our entire wedding and reception and that if they did that, we'd have to find an all-new venue probably. I reminded her that she was near the limit of what she could contribute toward our wedding funds and I'd be paying the rest, and I don't want to pay extra for stuff for a bunch of dogs.
They both said that this was really important to them so I told Jessica point blank: We can stick to what we originally agreed to, or she and Abby could have their costly party that allows dogs by themselves and we'd just get married at the courthouse by ourselves.
Abby told Jessica I was being manipulative and making ultimatums and wanted her to go stay at her place until 'OP pulls his head out of his ass'. Jessica didn't go but we're still going back and forth. She still wants things her way and feels I'm being too selfish. I don't think I am because I want an enjoyable wedding and marriage with Jessica-–not Jessica and Abby and their pets. AITA?
Questions, answers and comments:
quats5 says:
NTA. Is Abby single?
I am getting a vibe that Abby and Jessica’s dogs are a stand-in for themselves. Especially after Abby demanded that Jessica leave OP to stay with her over OP not giving in to their dog-wedding taking over the supposed actual wedding. Has Abby shown any jealousy over your relationship? Intrusive in other ways?
needhelpSuperbCookie OP responded:
No, Abby is married.
Least-Influence3089 says:
Pull a reverse uno and get Abby’s husband to back you up 😂 if Jessica is doubling down with Abby then why can’t you double down with Abby’s husband about this being a ridiculous idea??
needhelpSuperbCookie OP responded:
I could and probably should to get his side of it and how he got the madness to end lol I've been trying to not talk about it with my family or anyone involved unless necessary.
Worldly_Instance_730 says:
Info: what do her parents, or parental figures, have to say? Has Abby always been an obsessed friend?
needhelpSuperbCookie OP responded:
I haven't said anything to her parents about it and I'm not sure if she has either. Abby hasn't always been an obsessed friend, it started around the time we got engaged.
This kind of behavior wasn't normal for Abby, she started to get clingy and butt into things when Jessica and I got engaged. Which I don't really get because Abby has a husband.
Abby is already married, and her husband had a dog but he didn't want to do the whole dog marriage during their wedding or at all.
snarkingintheusa says:
NTA. Look dude, I love my dogs and they are 100% part of our family. They sleep on the bed, I make them their own meals sometimes and I’ve been known to cut vacations short because I missed them so damn much. I fully embrace that I am a crazy dog lady but I think this situation is batshit crazy.
A non dog person as yourself and this level of doggy cookoo are never going to get along. Are you prepared to spend your life coming in 3rd place to Jessica’s dog and Abby? There are some really weird red flags here.
needhelpSuperbCookie OP responded:
I don't mind the importance Jessica puts on her dog, its never been an issue in the past. Same with Abby honestly its like after we got engaged she's been up Jessica's rear more than normal. I could probably make peace with the dog thing but not with Abby being involved in all decisions regarding everything. Hoping that its just the wedding excitement that has them acting like this.
Downtown_Age9108 says:
Nta.... wtf did i just read? A doggy wedding, wtf is wrong with people!!!! Dogs are animals, not babies!! This level of obsession with an animal would freak me the fuck out. And i would, personally, nope out of the relationship!
needhelpSuperbCookie OP responded:
I don't know lol My cousin had pups of honor at his wedding that just chilled through the whole thing. I was expecting something like that. Not whatever this is that they want.