Guest remembers weird 90s wedding, 'everyone in the room was giving the side eye.'
Attending a weird extended family wedding as a child usually means that at some point in your adulthood you're going to wake up one day and wonder, 'did Uncle Dave really do a choreographed tap dance?'
So, when a guest decided to share a wedding tale of some unconventional vows, the people of Reddit's 'Wedding Shaming' group were ready for puffy white sleeves, blue eyeshadow and early 90s glory.
The weirdest thing I ever heard at a wedding...
This happened at the dawn of the 90s, when I was around 12ish years old. I attended a wedding with my mother for some cousin. Think, second cousin once removed or some such.
I’d met this woman a few times when I was little, but my mom close to her when they were kids. This happened in a very rural, Bible Belt area of the country, at a very rural, conservative southern baptist church, which really makes it all much more odd.
Typical late 80s/early 90s wedding...lots of puffy sleeves, big hair with baby’s breath, and cheap chiffon. Swags of the sh*t on anything that could conceivably be swag-ed. Not that is this is important, but I like to set the scene.
Anyway, ceremony is going on, typical conservative Baptist wedding, until we get to the vows. Now, I know what you’re expecting...she said OBEY in the 20th century!! Nope. It was what they both said to start their vows...
“I semi-promise to...”
Semi-promise. WTF does that even mean? Like, maybe they thought it was a loophole? So if they get divorced, they can tell the super religious people who don’t approve of divorce “well, I only semi-promised so it doesn’t count.” Were they legit expecting to get divorced?
Me, I don’t think that actually counts. You can’t sign a contract with a maybe clause. Or just sign your first name to signify you’re not totally onboard yet. I think it’s more of an all-or-nothing situation.
It’s like they got “kinda married.” I distinctly remember looking at my mom and seeing the same confusion on her face. I thought I’d misheard, but everyone in the room was giving the side eye.
Then, the bride sang a special song to the groom, “Tonight I Celebrate My Love (for you).” If you’ve not heard it, it sounds very nice but it’s basically “we’re gonna bone” with a lot of euphemisms. I think it would have been super weird and uncomfortable but everyone was stuck back at the semi-promise so no one cared.
Day ended with your normal church reception hall gig. Green foamy punch and cocktail wieners. People too polite to ask if that actually happened, but gossiping to the high heavens afterwards. You know, the southern lady special.
I check with my mother, and they are apparently still married. Coming up on 30 years, so I guess whatever a semi-promise is, stuck. And P.S. I miss the f*ck out of foamy green punch. It’s literally if tacky had a taste, but damn do I love it.
Of course, the court of wedding shamers was eager to weigh in on this nostalgic tale. Here's what people had to say:
emanresuelbaliavayna said:
I attended a wedding with my mother when I was very young with the traditional scripted vows, but rather than 'until death parts us,' it was 'until one of us does or we hate each other.'
futuristicplans said:
Oh man. I have a special place in my heart for foamy green punch. Especially with a handful of butter mints. It’s the most zing you’ll ever get from a beverage in a Baptist church fellowship hall. I was a “tea girl” at a second-cousin-once-removed’s wedding. I dished out foamy green punch for hours. She gave me a corsage and a scented candle.
ladylondonderry said:
Idk, maybe that was their way of being just a bit more progressive than their surroundings? I have to respect them planting their flag, even if the flag is a little weird.
AexBaex said:
I used to work weddings at a small resort. The year I was there we did 21 in one season, so a ton of fun stories. Honestly the most horrifying/bizarre thing I ever heard was when the officiant was going through the rehearsal with the bride and groom.
She told them that there should be no tongue or open mouths when the kiss happened, otherwise they would really get her juices flowing. Met with painful giggles and awkward looks. Last time she was suggested to one of our brides.
bonkerred said:
Could it have been an inside joke for the couple? Maybe they thought they were being funny or something. Without context though, it would've served as a weird wedding, lmao.