Guest shares story of bride and 'loser' groom who roped her into working DIY wedding.

We've heard of bride-and-groomzillas forcing members of the wedding party to cover their tattoos or dye their hair or crowdfund the entire wedding and honeymoon, but the couples who expect their guests to work for free are particularly bold...

So, when a rage-fueled guest decided to share a horror story of being the impromptu DJ and caterer at a wedding, the gloriously petty people of Reddit's 'Wedding Shaming' group were eager for the details.

Invited guests become unwelcomed helpers...

I'm writing this as the flames of anger still burn inside of me. A year ago, my husband and I had a weekend wedding at beautiful and charming acreage in the woods. They had several wood cabins that we rented for our families and friends to stay at.

The wedding was a lot of work and we were fortunate enough to have amazing support from our group. I had invited this former colleague turned friend to the wedding and she loved it so much she booked it for her wedding the following year. I was very happy for her as I know how special this place was.

This is where the story begins, I got invited to this wedding and we arrived on the Friday to help set up as she had asked to borrow my sound system and set it up. No problem, my husband and I were very eager to help and get things done.

We had dinner that evening with their friends and family, there was no briefing for the wedding event tomorrow, and the groom, when asked, does not know the schedule either. I was thinking, great! Things are under control, I get to really chill this time, be a guest, and enjoy this place.

The day of the wedding, I woke up earlier than the call time, walked around and took in the serene stillness of the morning. Being proactive, I took out the sound system from my car and single handedly carried each piece to the site of the outdoor ceremony.

I greeted the bride as she came up and asked what she needed help with. The tasks were, to decorate the place, create charcuterie boards, and set up the sound system. My husband, her friends and family members met at the tent and started decorating the place.

My husband was putting the vines and the lights up the tent and essentially troubleshooting. I was setting the table and putting out decor. The bride's husband was just frolicking around the area with his best man unbothered by the work being done. His task was apparently to pick up breakfast which didn't happen way later after the set up had been done.

Breakfast had come and there was very little conversation coming from the groom, their family members, the friends as well. For which a joyous event taking place, it was so disconnected. I was trying to create a warm space by asking questions, and were met with short answers and limited eye contact.

The MOH told the groom that the photographer will come soon and that he had 30min to prepare. He responded with 'okay' switched chairs and sat with his cousin on the phone for another 10 minutes and was still there even after I left. The other guests had scattered away and readied themselves pretty.

It's dawning on me that things are about to spiral down, this wedding was poorly planned with failing logistics and zero thought put into execution and delegating on the day of the wedding.

We met the bride and was ready to help her create charcuterie boards. After some direction, the bride left, and my husband and I, and another gentleman who is also a guest, tackled the charcuterie boards.

We made six boards in total in a span of an hour, washing, cutting, arranging. We halted adding the crackers as we didn't want them to soften in the fridge.

An hour was left til the ceremony, we got ready in half an hour and had another left to set up the sound system. I needed a long enough extension cord and was told the groom had it, I waved up to him to come to me from whatever spot he was sedentarily perched on. And when I asked for it, he said, 'I don't know, I think my dad has it.'

10 minutes later, with 20 minutes left until the wedding, the extension cords arrived. I had all the connections ready and was just waiting for power. Alas! there was no output, I face timed my dad who led me through the troubleshooting process.

And my lovely husband, was testing the mic, the integrity of the cords and connections. We got it figured out with incredible nerves and sweat as it was scorching hot at 28 degrees. I felt like I was cutting a wire to prevent a bomb from exploding.

All this time, the groom, the wedding party, the guests, their relatives, immediate family members, were just standing around. Except for another concerned gentleman. We felt invisible, I had thoughts in my head 'do people think we work here?' 'why does nobody seem to care?'

The ceremony had no hiccups or feedback on the sound system. It was smooth. I thought to myself, this is great, whew! After the ceremony, pictures were taken and we started to disassemble the sound system to be moved to the other side. I was told by the MOH to not do that as she will use the mic to roll call for photos.

So we waited, cooled down under the shade. My husband and I transported the sound system ourselves and set it up to the reception tent. Just the two of us, out of 48 people there. Was not offered to be helped or anything.

As soon as we got there, I saw the charcuterie boards served only halfway done, so I dropped the speaker, rushed to kitchen, grabbed the crackers and hurriedly spread it out the boards, while there was a line of people picking from it.

The bride frantically walking around, and putting things away (boxes of decor still not put up) she candidly stated, 'now I see why people hire a wedding planner.' 'Things I thought would be done are still here' I smiled back in camaraderie and empathy, thinking, I remember my own wedding was also stressful at times.

I grabbed some food and walked to the ceremony site far away from the tent, needing a break. We hid in our room, reflecting in complete bewilderment, decompressing from what had transpired.

By this time, we just wanted to get it over with, off we went to set up the sound system before the reception time. We had tested it and it was working perfectly, we came back and the speakers were rearranged, I was told one of them fell because of the wind.

So I had just secured it and ensured that this placement is the best to reduce feedback. One of the guests even tried to argue with me about it.

I went up again the kitchen for a bathroom break and was asked by the bride to bring out the jellies that had been apparently missed from being served during the charcuterie time.

I took the initiative to create another charcuterie board as it would be weird to serve jellies with an asian salad and roasted pork. We also had to MacGyver the light situation as it had no batteries and no one bothered to fix it.

Reception was about to start and people were trickling in the tent, as I settled into my seat and made conversations with the guests, the groom called me over to where he was and told me 'the music's just a bit loud, can we turn it down?'

I turned it down and he went about his business without saying thank you. Alas, just as we suspected we were 'the voluntary unpaid help.'

I was fuming inside, but incredibly sorrowful, it was a mixed feeling I could not shake off. It reminded me of the scene in titanic where the string duo continued to play as the ship sank.

A storm was brewing, we rushed out to protect the extension cord from getting wet and short-circuiting the entire sound system. As soon as we got in, the groom called me once again and said the system was not working.

I replugged the amplifier and got it working again. and they went on with their business with little acknowledgement that I was there. I would say, the atmosphere of the reception was dark, perhaps even the speeches of the family members and friends were so impersonal and it did not feel like a celebration.

The food was served three hours late and they played a game to see which table will be served first. My table was at the very end, clearly the misfits table, and astoundingly, the very last to get to the food. There was barely any food left and I was scraping the bottom of the container.

As a closing speech, the bride thanked her family, her husband's family, her MOH and guests, her last statement was, and 'most specially, I want to thank two people who have made this wedding happen, Jeff Bezos from which everything you see here is from amazon and Hank from Alaska who helped us with our flat tire on our drive coming here.'

(The crowd laughed, by this time, tears were streaming down my face, by chest was tight and hot and I just needed to get out of there my lovely husband put his arm around me) the good thing was the exit was so close we just bolted out of there.

I wanted to go home so badly, I was bawling in our room. We heard echoes from our room as the speakers boomed loudly with party music.

I had forgotten purse inside the tent and rushed back out to get it, I was met with the bride with open arms! screaming my name and my husbands. I thought she was going to hug me but she just said 'can you get my phone to extend out the tent so I don't have to come in and change the music from the inside?' So I went in and did it quietly.

We stayed in our room and started to pack as I really wanted to leave that night. By that time, it was already midnight and the music was still playing, so we decided to just cut out the music.

I saw the bride once again enthusiastically greeting me, stating 'ohmygod you missed the next chapter! Or you were there and I just didn't see you?'

She proceeded to tell me how she threw up drunk and had water and now she feels all better now and is on her second wind and that she saw one deer near the property. BY this time, I couldn't give a flying f$ck, so I responded, 'I want to load the sound system in my car if you don't mind.'

She agreed, we went up to the tent to collect it and as we were packing, her husband and her approached us and asked us if we needed help. I heard them murmuring later, she was pointing at the boxes to be brought back and her husband just said, it's not going to rain, don't worry about it, let's do that tomorrow and they went to back to their cabin.

When we went back to our cabin, we saw the caterer (solo) still prepping for breakfast at midnight. We saw how hard he worked and had really good conversation earlier in the day, so my husband and I told him we will help him load his things in the car and he gladly accepted.

There were five other able bodied guests in the same area playing Magic whilst watching a movie. The place was a real mess, with food scattered everywhere and unwashed dishes at the sink.

The bride alone came up to us (surprisingly) and apologized that she forgot our names from her thank you speech. It was evident that she was feeling awful and regretful for what happened.

I did not sleep that night, I was enraged and cried many times. There was noise from the living room from the group clearly unbothered by the people sleeping.

The tent was left open overnight with plates, garbage, and decor still there. The place they rented backed into the woods and often times wild animals wander into it so it's a BIG no no to do this. There were cans and bottles scattered on the grounds.

The next morning, we woke up early and got ready to leave, I was not about to help clean up, we wanted OUT. By the way, this was three hours before the check out time and the place was trashed.

We saw the bride frantically moving back and forth the tent, cleaning up. ALONE. Since we've come this far and remained civil we thought to end it by saying our goodbyes in person instead of just leaving without a word.

It was awkward, she had apologized again, and offered to take us out for dinner to make up for what happened. I just said it's okay, we're okay, thank you.

The last thing I wanted was to spend anymore time with herself, her loser of a husband, her family and friends. Her absence in my life is the best way to move forward.

She texted me in the evening thanking me and again offering the dinner. I did not respond. I know she feels bad and is looking to absolve her guilt.

To summarize this tale, she provided some reflections:

Reflections:

1.) I have never felt more grateful for the people in my life who supported us in our wedding, with whom I am STILL really good friends with. I spent time with my parents and husband's parents and had close friends for dinner, texted all my friends and thanked them again and told them how grateful I am for their presence.

2.) The beautiful venue was sacred to us and it remains so, even when there was blatant disrespect by the guests and the bride and groom's family. This was a wedding that was starkly different from ours, there was no love here, only sorrow.

3.) I have learned to be mindful of where I put my energy and resources.

4.) This event has lead to the dissolution of my friendship with this woman and all acquaintance associated with her.

5.) I am probably not really mad at this woman, because I know she had not intended to hurt us this way, but I'm mad about the way we were treated as guests or even as 'hired unpaid help.'

I got a glimpse of what it was like to be her, in this severely dysfunctional partnership with this man who is now her husband. I'm grateful this was not the norm for me, I don't have to live with this kind of FRESH HELL daily.

6.) It was a DIY wedding and many components are at play that I may not know the whole story. But my experience was valid and truthful.

6.) I married the right person.

Of course, the jury of wedding shamers was eager to weigh in on this DIY drama. Here's what people had to say:

ghost_alliance said:

Kindly, I think something you should reflect on is expressing your own boundaries and not sacrificing your own wellbeing.

Your reflections all stemmed from the hurt the bride's treatment caused you, and your feelings are valid, but after a point, you really just accepted it. Know your worth! People surely know you are kind and unfortunately, some might take advantage of you.

lmyrs said:

I'll never understand people who care more about someone else's wedding than the bride or groom do. You didn't have to take it upon yourself to do any of this stuff.

Cleigh24 said:

Girl… so, from the bride’s perspective, the situation looks like this:

⁠My friend had a gorgeous wedding at a venue that I ended up loving and using for my own.

⁠I asked my friend to use her sound system and she said yes! So nice!

My friend showed up early with the sound system and asked me what else I needed help with, wow!

⁠My friend kept going out of her way to help me throughout the whole day, amazing!

⁠Oops, I forgot to mention her in the speech and realized it right away, apologized and offered to take her to dinner. ⁠My friend is pissed and won’t respond about dinner?

pinkflower200 said:

The bride and groom should have hired a wedding planner and caterer. Wedding guests should be guests only and not helpers.

Dingbat2022 said:

Why did you feel compelled to organize someone else's wedding without being asked (at least for most tasks you described)?

Rattivarius said:

A kind person's first obligation is to be kind to one's self. That means not becoming a resentful doormat.

RamenNoodles620 said:

If I'm a guest at a wedding, I'm spending it having a good time. I wouldn't be helping set-up or clean up unless actually asked to do so. I have no idea what the bride and groom have planned or what they are doing so not going to go out of my way to help while a guest at an event.

The groom does seem to suck, but you also seem to like being a martyr. The bride apologized and offered to make up for what happened yet you cut her off because you decided to do things without being asked and stress yourself out more than necessary.

The place is sacred to you. An unorganized wedding happening there wasn't going to make it less sacred for you.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly divided for this one, most people agreed that this guest went out of her way to feel burdened by tasks. Setting boundaries is an important skill in adulthood, and if she was going to resent her friend for going above and beyond, then she should've said 'no thanks' and hit the dance floor. Better luck next time, everyone!