'AITA for saying my terminally ill stepsister can't have my mom's engagement ring?'
"AITA for saying my terminally ill stepsister can't have my mom's engagement ring?"
My mom died when I was 7. Before she died she gave my uncle, her brother, the engagement ring their grandma bought for her, to save for me, if I (20m) ever wanted to give it to a future fiancée or daughter. My dad remarried when I was 10 and his wife had two daughters.
Evelyn was 12 and Amy was 3. I am not all that close to either Evelyn or Amy, but there's no hard feelings there. Evelyn was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last month. Her boyfriend proposed to her and she had mentioned wanting my mom's engagement ring because of how pretty it was. Her boyfriend told my dad's wife and my dad's wife told my dad.
All three of them told me Evelyn wanted the ring and said I would get it back in a few months, when she's gone, but it would be nice to fulfill this wish of hers given the circumstances.
I said she could not have the engagement ring but I would give them a photo to replicate it if they want. They didn't like that I said no to giving her the ring. They told me I am denying my dying sister a family ring.
I told them she is not my sister and it's not her family ring. It's my family ring, Evelyn has nothing to do with the ring. I asked how she even knew about it and dad said she had seen photos of it over the years and that he showed her the drawings that were made of the ring and the photos that my mom had kept around. That he thought showing the girls that was a nice bonding moment when they were young.
My dad's wife pleaded with me. She even had Evelyn write a letter for me to read saying how much she'd love to wear it and get married wearing it. My answer was still no. I am getting sh*t from the three of them (dad, his wife, Evelyn's fiance). AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
Holiday-Somewhere-96 said:
You will not get that ring back. Her fiancé or her mom will say it means so much to them.
mca2021 said:
NTA, and not just that but does he want to give the ring to his future fiance, knowing his dead SS wore it for her wedding? I wouldn't want to.
Besides you know when your fiance does wear it, your SM will constantly mention, get emotional every time she sees it on fiance's finger. Your engagement should be a time to celebrate, not be reminded of someone's passing.
chairUrchin said:
Not her mom not her ring. You’re NTA.
RMaua said:
NTA. I think it tells you something that mum left the ring with her brother rather than her husband when she passed away. It was probably to avoid a situation like this.
It's sad that step sis is ill. But that doesn't oblige you to lend her the ring. The offer to give a photo for a replica to be made is a good compromise since her only connection to it is that she thinks it is pretty.
Tangerine_Bouquet said:
NTA. Her fiance can give her a family ring from his family. They can have a ring made in the same style. Her having cancer actually doesn't change it (although the people telling you you'll get it right back sound like vultures).
It also sounds like Evelyn herself hasn't even talked to you? Do you talk to her regularly? Clear the air, and just say that it's your mom's ring and very important to you.
She could have something from her mother, or her fiance's family, or just get married as planned. Did her fiance not give her a ring? Why? NTA at all. People feeling entitled to other people's things is half of AITA.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...there's too much potential for that ring never making it back to you. Nobody has the right to demand that you give away such a strong link to your mother.