Mom gives daughter unwanted wedding dress advice; may get barred from wedding. AITA?
While it can be fun for brides to bring family members and friends along while trying on wedding gowns, sometimes the opinions from the champagne-tipsy peanut gallery are overwhelming...
So, when a conflicted mother-of-the-bride decided to vent to Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her biting and judgemental comments about her daughter's post-baby body at the bridal shop, people were ready to roast her.
"AITA for giving an opinion on my daughter's wedding dress?"
I (39F) have a daughter Miley (23F), who is getting married sometime around late August. It's a small backyard wedding, 50ish guests. She's getting married to her girlfriend, ' Angie' (24F). Personally, I don't like Angie much (long story). My daughter recently had twins, born in mid-June, James and Linda.
I had a falling out with Miley when she was pregnant in May, but recently my mother reached out and asked me if I would like to stay with them for a few weeks to help plan the wedding.
A couple things are:
1) I didn't know Miley was dating anyone, I thought she was single.
2) Miley was raised by my grandparents.
3) I didn't know she was dating/ marrying Angie.
So I came down as a surprise, and no one knew. I surprised them at a restaurant, and Miley didn't seem all too happy, but she let me stay. Over the past 2 weeks, we were picking out decor, cake flavors, etc.
Turns out they were wanting to get married since last October, but thanks to many problems, we're just now planning so we're on a crunch, so it's been hectic. Everything came to a head yesterday, when we were wedding dress shopping.
Miley was trying on many dresses, and I tried to suggest a couple of styles, but she brushed it off, saying she wanted something a bit princess like but not ballgown, and maybe older looking, but she was taking everyone else's options.
She tried on a style her sister in law liked, some lacy mermaid dress. I told her no, and that if she wanted a tight dress, she would have to lose some of the baby fat (she still has the extra pounds from pregnancy).
She told me that it wasn't the for sure dress, just an option she wanted to look into, but 'thanks for reminding her she wouldn't look good in a tighter dress' but my opinion wasn't really needed.
It was awkward after and I felt unwelcome, though I was still trying to give advice on her dresses. After the 14th dress, I asked her to pick one, or we could go to another store. She just looked at me, left, got dressed and told us 'let's go'.
She didn't get a dress, and I told her to get one and she said no. I told her she was throwing a fit, and it was stupid she was taking a small comment to heart, that she was wasting time, etc. She ignored me for the rest of the day.
Today we're going to a friend of her about the flowers, bit I still feel unwelcomed. An hour ago, a got a long paragraph from Angie, saying my daughter was an angel for giving me a chance after everything, that she was a gorgeous woman.
She can make her own choices on what she wants to do/wear for her wedding, that I was a 'raging, narcissistic sociopathic B', and she herself has half a mind to bar me from the wedding.
My mother and a few of my friends/aunts have said I didn't do anything wrong, just gave criticism. I don't think I said anything that bad that justified that message or the cold shoulder I got. AITA?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:
Inconceivable44 said:
YTA and you were unwelcome. (1) Miley stopped talking to you awhile ago. (2) Miley never invited you back into her life.
Your mother did that. (3) Miley never invited you to help plan the wedding. (4) Miley never asked for your opinion. (5) Miley directly told you that your opinion was not needed or wanted. How many more signs do you need?
SeApps63 said:
YTA - holy bananas! Are you reading what you wrote? Keep your opinions to yourself. Nobody wants to hear you talk about your opinions unless they specifically ask about it.
GreekAmericanDom said:
YTA. You fat shamed your daughter in a moment which is about making her feel beautiful. You don't seem to understand that being there is a privilege. Given your history with you, how do you not understand that you should keep your mouth shut and just enjoy the fact that you are there.
Stop thinking that you are her parent. You are an egg donor. You didn't raise her and she clearly doesn't want you there.
firetothetrees said:
YTA... This is you: 'hey daughter I have a strained relationship with... You look fat in that dress' how did you think that was gonna go. It sounds like there are many layers to this problem but that comment didnt help.
queenofwasps said:
You didn't just give her your opinion on a dress, you literally body shamed her instead. You're her mother, not supposed to be a bully. After such a comment I don't know why she should talk to you at all. Hard YTA.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this mom was 100% out of line. Doesn't she know that If you don't have anything nice to say at the dress shop then you shouldn't say anything at all? This mom earns extra A-hole points for criticizing her daughter's body in the dress, and not the dress itself. She wasn't shopping for new bodies, mom!
Hopefully this family can sort out all this drama before the wedding, but this mom shouldn't be surprised if her invitation gets lost in the mail.