Mom refuses to attend bio daughter's wedding because she won't invite her stepsister. AITA?
"AITA for not attending bio daughter's wedding because her stepsister was not invited"
That_Finding_7185
My bio daughter’s dad and I had a relationship that did not end on good terms and while I tried my best to keep the children out of it, he did not agree. In an attempt to get the kids to side with him, he went on a smear campaign against me.
While he didn’t accomplish his goal of getting them to want to be with him, he was successful in straining my relationship with my daughter. I tried therapy and every possible option but, once she was old enough to refuse, she stopped participating.
I remarried when my bio daughter was 13, and my husband had a daughter who is 2 years younger than our bio daughter. Since the beginning, the girls did not get along. At first, my bio daughter was the one instigating but eventually in their teens years, the “hate” became mutual.
Both girls are now in their mid 20s and their relationship has not gotten any better. My bio daughter is getting married next year and she’s having a fairly large wedding. I knew since the beginning that my stepdaughter was not in the wedding party, but everyone assumed she was at least invited to the ceremony.
While talking about the wedding, the topic of my step daughter was bought up, at which point my daughter said that my step daughter wasn’t invited. When I asked why, her reasoning was that she wants an intimate wedding.
This would normally be a reasonable response, except for the fact that even friends that she hadn’t seen since elementary school are invited but her step sister is not. So, I pressed her and she said the reason why she isn’t invited is because, “she’s not family.”
I said if her stepsister is not family, than neither is her stepdad and her half siblings and by proxy, I’m also not family and so if it's a family only wedding, then there is no point in me attending.
She obviously got upset and started screaming and ended up leaving. She told her aunts and grandparents and everyone is now saying that I'm an a**hole for refusing to attend her wedding.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Happy_Train9408
YTA. Who died and made you the wedding guest list police? You say your relationship is strained. I wonder why. Obviously you favor your step daugther. You say their hate is mutual. Why on earth should I invite someone to my wedding who hates me? You can´t choose family, but you can choose who you invite to your wedding.
It's well within her right to exclude someone she dislikes (and is disliked by). Why do you tink it's reasonable to pressure her into inviting her stepsister with that kind of ultimatum? Why would it even be important to you? What is the benefit of having SD there at all? Sorry, but I think your daughter will go NC soon and she will be right.
Fair-boysenberry6745
YTA. It is her wedding. Why are you trying to force her to invite someone she does not like and does not have a relationship with. You are alienating yourself.
PravinI123
I agree with this. The relationship isn’t strained because of the ex husband, it’s strained because mom decided to prioritize her new family. If the girls mutually hate each other, then why should daughter invite someone she hates to her wedding?
Maybe your doing your daughter a favor by not attending her wedding. She doesn’t need someone who can’t put her first on one of her most important days. YTA. I hope your daughter goes NC. Shouldn’t be a big deal since you have your step daughter.
Different_Wonder4203
Sorry OP, YTA. There is a say in weddings "Guests do not invite". It's your daughter's right to invite who she feels confident with and even if you disagree it's not your place to question this. Its the "then there is no point in me attending" for me. If you don't see the issue here, then there is nothing more to say.
HigherThanShitttt
YTA. Bio daughter invited you to her wedding and you went bio mom stupid on bio daughter because step daughter is more important to you than the biomass you squeezed out. Bio daughter probably loves being referred to that way, too. You’re a bio mom a**hole. I can’t imagine why your dumba** is about to be estranged from your bio baby.
AA6671923
Tell me your stepdaughter’s the golden child without telling me she’s the golden child. YTA.
buttercupgrump
YTA. In a few years you'll be back, either on this sub or another, lamenting that your NC daughter won't let you see her children or answer your calls. This post will be the missing missing reason.
They hate each other. It does not matter who started it or if they were teens. They. Have. A. Mutual. Hatred. Of. Each. Other. It's unreasonable for you to assume your stepdaughter would be invited. It's also unreasonable for you to skip your daughter's wedding.
Don't blame your ex for straining your relationship with your daughter. You've managed to kill the relationship all on your own.