Deeply uncomfortable friend shares 'the cringiest wedding ever.' (Sword photo included)
"The wedding reception was a joke. An inside joke."
JavaJapes
This person used to be one of my best friends. We fell out sometime after because I no longer wanted any part of the church and school I grew up in and I wasn't in high school anymore and it was mean of me to not want to parade around the neighbourhood doing silly dances shouting how crazy we are in our late 20s.
We went to each other's weddings (out of some sense of politeness I guess?) and we never spoke again. However, she is insane and her wedding will probably always be the most I've ever cringed in real life.
The ceremony was fine. The reception though...
There was no emcee. It was so much worse.
The entire wedding reception was a skit.
A skit composed entirely of the bride and her sisters performing weird characters and all the "jokes" were private inside jokes that basically no one in the audience would understand.
Our other best friend (former for me) was maid of honour so she had a chance of understanding I guess? But some of them went over my head for sure. In badly done Monty Python ish style, mind you. I love Monty Python. It hurt to see it done this dirty.
We are Canadians, but because their grandparents or great grandparents were English and my friend and her sisters all had "United Empire Loyalist" with their names AND they had cousins that "could see Buckingham palace from their house," they fancied themselves as English and also just as funny as Monty Python...
Imagine the bride and her sisters just in fancy dresses like:
"Watch out for bears!"
"Constable! Look there! She's doing math with a jacket!"
"We must travel the world in search of the elderberries to save the Lord of the Pickle Tree!"
"I am Queen Elizabeth the Fourteenth. I cannot assist you right now because I am being assaulted by animals running amock about the house !"
"Weeee! I am a froggyyyyy! I am a drunk squirrel!"
(The last two were their family answering machines believe it or not... with lines about not answering the phone and leaving a message after the beep included... I changed enough details but the gist is there)
Like... literally every joke was based on some "you had to be there" moment from real life that 99% of the audience wasn't present for. Or nonsense. There was a lot of just random nonsense too. I can hardly remember what the "plot" was.
But somehow the random nonsense was less cringe than realizing they're using really strange inside jokes that you weren't privy to.
I, at least, kind of expected she'd do something like this. This was peak humour for my former friend. Edit: I should note we were teenagers when "lol spork random" humour was popular.
The rest of the crowd's reactions were pretty priceless though. So much confusion. My husband met me later on in life, and was only as familiar with her craziness as I had been able to prepare him for, so he was constantly like "wtf is actually happening?"
They also cut the cake with a replica Buster sword. (Cloud's sword from Final Fantasy 7. Pictured here being held by Cloud.) Obviously their replica was a bit smaller but still uncomfortably large to slice a wedding cake...
I just had to mention this wedding to someone because it's the most high I've ever felt without being actually high with all the insanity going on. Also, it was a dry wedding.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Blurred_Background
Le Random teenage bs is not nearly as cute when you're in your late 20s.
HandrewJobert
I just cringed so hard I think I turned inside out.
WalktoTowerGreen
As a performer at multiple renaissance festivals…we have a zero tolerance monty Python rule. Not because we don’t all love their sketches…but because every patron thinks they’re the first person to quote them. Oof. It’s so cringe.
BreadyStinellis
My friend's wedding, her husband and his brother thought they were the funniest men alive. They demanded attention in every room they were in and didn't notice they got it begrudgingly. Anyhow, destination wedding with a reception back home. At the reception, so not even the actual wedding, best man gave a 45 MINUTE SPEECH!!! I wish to God I was exaggerating.
Forest_Maiden
Actually really disappointed that the picture wasn't of the replica cutting the cake because that's something I really want to see now. 😂
GroovyYaYa
I hope the food was good, or at least popcorn was provided!
WeakLeg1906
Ohh the cringe. if you weren’t Canadian I would think we had the same former friend, down to the FF7 lol. Her wedding was not this bad, but the bridal shower where I met her new group of spork holders was horrendous.
Francesca_N_Furter
You know, I wouldn't have fully appreciated this story without meeting my current department head at work. She wrote a skit for us (to get our faces out there) and it was all a bunch of lame ....LAME in-jokes. I refrained from participating.
I just don't get people who have such incredibly bad senses of humor. We all watch the same shows, and popular jokes are popular for a reason...How do they go so left of center with their weird childish non-humor?
CindySvensson
The title did not prepare me.