Man exposes truth behind brother's second wedding; 'You'll have to pay me this time.'
"AITA for telling my brother I won't go to his second wedding unless he pays me and spilling the tea to everyone when that started a fight."
CounterProper9538
My brother got married on Jamaica six years ago. It cost me $2,300 to go for the week plus a week off work, unpaid. Not really a huge deal. I love my brother and I wanted to be there for him. I had a great time and actually met the woman I'm currently dating there at the resort.
So it's been six years and my sister in law is pregnant. It is a huge surprise because they were planning on waiting a while yet. Now they are planning another wedding. I asked him why and he said he wanted to renew their vows before the baby came.
I said that was cool but that I would not be attending. I'm busy with work and my own life. He said he really wanted me there. I said no. He said it was important to him I be there. I said that I had already attended his wedding once and that was plenty.
If he wanted me to go to his second wedding he would have to pay me for my time and for my trip home. I live and work in the bay area and our family is from Raleigh. He finally admitted that the first wedding was a sham. They basically got us all out there for a party. I told him to get lost.
My mom called me to tell me I was being a jerk not coming to the wedding. I said I would go if my brother covered my expenses. She said I was being ridiculous. I said he was being a narcissist if he thought two weddings were needed.
She would not relent. She started bugging me and calling me out on in our family Facebook group. I told her and my brother to leave me out of their goofy ass wedding plans.
Everyone started dogpiling me about not being there for him. I reminded them that I was his best man at the first wedding. Nope not good enough. I had to be there for this because family.
I'm the only one who would have to take a flight for the wedding. I told everyone to leave me alone and actually muted the group to avoid any further discussion. They started calling me.
I finally just started telling everyone that I wasn't going to go unless they paid not just for this wedding but my time at the previous one. That just pissed people off. So I told the truth.
I said that the first wedding wasn't real. And that my brother was not really married. And that he was probably only getting married because our family trust excludes kids born out of wedlock. It's not a lot of money but it covers a full four year degree or provides a grant to start a business. We cannot live off the money forever or anything.
So this started a huge fight since a bunch of people had been upset about a destination wedding the first time and lots could not afford to go. They felt excluded and made fun of. And now the people who did go are pissed they blew money on a party. And don't get me started on the gifts.
So this has obviously caused a lot of stress for them. He called to yell at me for outing him. I said he was a dumbass for not just going to a justice of the peace quietly. He said his "wife" is hormonal and wants a real wedding.
I don't think I need to go see a second wedding. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
OrneryDandelion
What I am absolutely dying to know is why they faked the first wedding? And why they're not just getting married really quietly.? Like really, really quietly?
The OP responded here:
CounterProper9538
I think they did it to get both sets of parents off their backs for "living in sin"
rrrrriptipnip
Omg I was going to ask the same! Why spend all this money when in the end they didn’t do anything. When you marry in a destination you’re supposed to file the papers in the US before or after so that it’s legal. I guess they can do that now…
joosdeproon
Wow, NTA The truth would have come out sooner or later. He needs to have a quiet justice of the peace wedding pronto.
The OP again responded:
CounterProper9538
That's what I said. He is a dolt.
CatBird2023
NTA. FWIW, this is the thing about destination weddings at resorts and such: they are generally just for show. You're not getting a marriage license in the destination country, or meeting the legal requirements to get married there.
Every couple I've known who has gotten "married" in a destination wedding has had another legal ceremony (usually just with a couple of witnesses, not a party) to formalize things in their home country.
I thought everyone knew this by now? Your brother is a huge AH for not taking care of the legal marriage stuff like a grown up but instead expecting everyone to do it all over again at their own expense.
Old-Strategy-672
NTA Why would he and his wife even fake the first wedding then think it was a good idea to have a second? Why would he try to strong arm you to the point he was dumb enough to spill the secret the first was fake?
Why couldn't he have let it go and actually pretend that it was a second wedding to renew vows? Realize that people do have lives and can't afford or don't want to go to a renewal if it gets in the way of their lives? Man your bro is dumb.
BigComfyCouch4
NTA. He's extremely high maintenance. And you can't respect him. He is unwilling to put in the work - both for his own success and in your relationship. From how you describe it, this isn't going to work out. And when you have a crisis, figure out what the end is going to be and go there.