Parents tell bride they are saving money for sister's future wedding, she calls them homophobic.
'Sister wants my wedding because it doesn’t count as I’m gay.'
This is so unreal to me that a person has this much audacity but apparently my sister does.
I F28 met my soon-to-be wife 35 Noa when she moved to my country for work. She was freshly divorced but has a little girl who is 5 called Lena. Lena is the sweetest and it’s been wonderful getting to know her.
Noa divorced her husband after realizing she was gay and he ran for the hills, stating he didn’t want anything to do with her or Lena in case she ‘passes it on’ whatever the f*ck that means.
I proposed to Noa 10 months ago as I know she’d be too nervous to. It wasn’t extravagant I just asked her over dinner with Lena’s blessing. We’ve agreed we want it simple and intimate for the wedding. Her first wedding was big and she hated it. So just family and close friends.
My parents have offered to give us some money to help towards it even though we’ve reassured them it isn’t going to be a big affair. But they wanted Lena to get a pretty flower girl dress and wanted to pay for my dress and whatever Noa will wear (probably a suit).
Enter my entitled younger sister Kate 25 who acts like she and her bf are engaged but he’s too scared to actually ask her. She’s the golden child, spoiled and gets whatever she wishes.
She’s made some remarks about Noa already having a child and being a divorcée but I told her to lose the ignorance. Just because she decided to stay in our small home town and not expand her personality doesn’t mean she can say sh*t like that.
Over dinner last night, she started whining how I didn’t need any money and she’s didn’t know why we were bothering with a wedding when Noa has done it all before.
This is something Noa is insecure about so I get protective of her. Kate went on to say that she could reuse her first wedding dress and started cackling. Her bf looked embarrassed and my parents told her to be quieter but no one said anything else.
My parents have come to me and said it made sense to them if they give more money to my sister's wedding fund as it will be her first and only wedding (not even engaged yet). Totally ignoring the fact that I’ve never been married.
I told them to keep all of their money as it wasn’t welcome if they were going to shame my wife and step daughter. We are perfectly able to fund it on our own.
I didn’t say it, but I do wonder if a little part of them feel a straight wedding deserves more funding than a gay one?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Right solution. Pay for it yourself if you can. And don't invite your sister.
The parents are teetering on the don't invite them line as well.
Teetering? They flew over the line at Mach 3! They approached OP and suggested giving the money to narcissist sister instead.
They agreed with the sister. If I was in OPs shoes, that's enough for NC for me.
Based on your sister’s behavior, are your parents sure she would only have her “first and only wedding” whenever that happens? Or are they banking on her bf being too scared of her to ever question leaving her?
The only other part is to point out, though, that by treating you two unequally, and by giving into to their other daughetrs whining, they are making a choice, and to not be surprised at the consequences of their choice.
At some point, they are going to want a deeper relationship with the more mature, more capable, more stable, less emotionally draining family, and you will basically want little to do with them.
Make sure that they are free to do what they want, but that you will give them the respect and consideration that they are giving you and your future wife (and make sure they are clear that it isn't about money, but about always favoring your sister and disrespecting you and your future wife). And then go LC and live your best life.
So your parents were 100% on board, their new step-grandchild gets a pretty dress, you guys get some extra funds....then retracted...
I hope they never told your stepdaughter about the pretty dress. The petty side of me wants you to just text your parents, saying:
'You have both disappointed me for the last time, this is my first wedding and I always thought you were very accepting of others and their situations. You have made it clear that you do not want a relationship with MY family.
This isn't about the money, but the fact you retracted any form of making my stepdaughter and soon to be wife feel wanted by you both, because of what my sister, your daughter, has said. I know you will feel entitled to see me get married, but I always just wanted to feel like you accepted my choices and support them, without cutting it off because of what 'sister' wants.'