Bride tries to honor late father with wedding butterfly release; doesn't account for the cold.
"TIFU by doing a butterfly release at my wedding"
ChanceExcuse8072
So didn’t exactly happen today, we’re going on two years now, but I can’t get it out of my head. I’ll preface by saying I had a beautiful wedding, the cake of my dreams, the two dresses of my dreams, live painter, live band, 175 of our closest friends and family. It was everything I wanted. Except…
My dad passed away 13 years ago and I knew I wanted to find a way to honor him. There was a time when I was younger where he played the song “Butterfly Kisses” for me and he had us dance to it in the kitchen because he told me he knew he was sick and he wouldn’t make it to my wedding day to dance with me.
So, when it came time to actually plan my wedding I knew of course I wanted to honor my dad in some way and the thought of that moment replayed in my mind. A butterfly release seemed like the most beautiful and sentimental way to honor him and have a really cool, unique experience at our wedding.
Well, the wedding day was supposed to be in the 70’s and the temperature ended up dropping so much that morning. It rained when that wasn’t in the forecast and overall was just a seriously gloomy day. I didn’t think anything of the butterflies and still just went along with it.
Sadly, because of the temperature drop, most of my butterflies didn’t fly away. They were too cold and ended up just falling to the ground. (Not dead, literally just frozen.) We did have a few that flew away but most of them did not. It broke my heart and made me so embarrassed.
Not only was I embarrassed that this happened in front of all of our family and friends, but I also felt terrible from a moral standpoint, as well. I got so wrapped in the aesthetics of the wedding, I didn’t stop to think that was probably not a good idea.
I feel like everyone was laughing at me and making fun of the situation and still, almost two years later, I feel like I don’t know how to move past it. All of the good stuff from my wedding I feel like is overshadowed by this one stupid thing and it really sucks.
I ended up spending about an hour of the reception in the bridal suite having panic attacks, especially since I’m already someone that has crippling anxiety. My husband and I have thought about doing a vow renewal, but aren’t sure how that will go over. We were considering at the 5 year mark inviting about half the people from the original day.
But making it literally just a big party where we can just enjoy ourselves since we didn’t even dance at our wedding except for like the last 10 minutes when my husband finally convinced me to try and have a few minutes of fun.
Anyway, I know it was wrong to do so I don’t need judgment towards it, just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully try to find ways to move past it and get over it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
CenPhx
Plant a bunch of butterfly friendly native plants where you can see them and tend them. It could be cathartic. It’ll be good for butterflies, the environment, and you! The last thing you think of regarding butterflies won’t be the wedding memory, it’ll be seeing butterflies in your garden. It’s like when people try to be carbon neutral. You need to get “butterfly neutral”. LOL.
GreenonFire
This is such a wonderful idea. I have a strip of ground running along my driveway, and through the years enlarged it a few ft at a time. It's a perennial garden. Everything comes back every year, and roots sleep through the winter. I add plants to memorialize the loved ones who mean so much to me. This spring will be a yellow rose bush for my mother.
Sandmint
No one is really thinking about this. I don't remember any of the weird things or flops from my friends' weddings, especially not five years ago. I remember that I had fun but SOMEHOW skipped over the cake at my bestie's wedding. The rest of the dessert bar was great, but how did I not have cake?!
The OP responded here:
ChanceExcuse8072
I honestly really appreciate you saying that! I’m sure I’m the only one who is even thinking about it at this point. I just wish I could laugh it off instead of it giving me such immense anxiety every time I think about it.
Petpati
If it makes you feel any better I was MOH at my best friends wedding and they waited until after we'd all gotten a bit toasty to sign the wedding certificate. The officiant put on the wrong date, and I signed where the bride was supposed to sign. She laughed so hard she got it framed. So thats something I never get to live down.
mnl_cntn
Go clap to clap therapy! clap
Seriously, if you have the means, go talk to someone about this stuff. It’s not healthy for you or your relationship to internalize all these feelings and not be able to move on from them.
I get it, I’m the same way. But I’m on my 4th session this year and already feel a bit lighter than I did at the end of last year. Please take care of yourself and your health.
BreakfastForDinner91
Yea a vow renew isn’t going to fix this and is honestly kinda silly at 5 years. Married 20 years for reference. Work it out in therapy.
The OP again responded:
ChanceExcuse8072
Definitely been working out my anxiety in therapy now. Honestly wasn’t looking at the vow renewal as a way to fix it, and more so as a way to create positive memories that I can look back on. Definitely something that we’re only loosely talking about right now though!
Mimogger
They weren't laughing at you, they were laughing at the situation. I know that's what I'd be doing in a similar spot.