'AITA for telling my brother to get a prenup?'
"AITA for telling my brother to get a prenup?"
So my (25F) older brother (28M) and his bf (26M) have been dating for like 4 or 5 years now and recently my brother proposed. Everyone has been super supportive and happy for them, my parents are over the moon and excited for the first of their children’s weddings.
And I'm also really happy for my brother, but there was one thing that bothered me. My brother pays for everything. He is constantly surprising his bf with gifts, he always pays for their dates or meals when they go out.
I've brought it up before and my brother says he doesn't mind, that our family have more money than most and that he likes treating his bf. His bf does work and does do the cooking and keeping their house(which my brother brought btw) clean, but that's nothing compared to what he's getting in return.
My brother also vaguely explained that there is a “dynamic” to it (he didn't really wanna talk about it with me) which I don't really get and the whole situation still looks like my brother is getting exploited.
Last night my family went out for a celebratory dinner for the engagement. While we were there my brother started showing them the ring and shared plans for what they would want at the wedding, then the bill came, we split it.
(My parents paying for theirs and my youngest sister’s (16F), me and my bf (29M) split ours, my siblings (31F, 23M, 20F) all paid for theirs) and like always my brother paid for both his and his bf’s.
I joked and said that my brother should get a prenup, my brother told me that isn't funny, I said back that with how many gifts he's gotten him and how many things his bf has his name on it probably won't do much anyway.
His bf looked guilty and upset, my brother told me I was being super rude and he and his bf left. Most of my family are telling me I was out of line, tho my older sister agrees with me that she thinks our brother is being exploited. There was probably a better scenario I could have brought that up in so AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
Kare6Bear6 said:
YTA. I mean, 'super rude' sums it up nicely. How many times does your brother have to tell you to stop talking about their financial dynamic before it sinks in? Learn to mind your business and stay out of his relationship.
No-Recognition3929 said:
YTA. Their finances are none of your business. And if you were genuinely concerned, an engagement party is not the place to publicly make your brother’s fiancé feel ashamed.
You could comment in private potentially instead, but honestly sounds like you already have and your brother is fine with their arrangement.
FuntimeChris79 said:
Yup...totally and completely YTA. You overstepped in a big way by opening your mouth to 'joke' about your brother's financial situation with his fiance.You know it wasn't a joke when you actually feel that way.
Biteme75 said
YTA. Your brother's bf cooks and cleans as well as working outside the home - so he basically has two jobs. Seems fair that your brother pays when they go out. Also, their relationship is none of your business.
Did you really need to humiliate your brother and his bf at their engagement party? If you were really concerned about your brother, you should have brought it up privately.
Sputtrosa said:
YTA. You can bring it up in private with your brother if it bothers you, but saying it front of your future BIL and your family is incredibly rude.
SlinkyMalinky20 said:
YTA. If this was a hetero relationship, would you have perseverated on this? I don’t see how this is different than the vast majority of relationships where one person makes significantly more than the other, people all find their own way to deal with it. You brought it up to your brother before - he knows your feelings.
So you ruined their engagement dinner for nothing. You are an AH, and now your new BIL knows exactly what you think of him. Shame on you for ruining their night. This would be close to unforgivable for me.
Nisgoddreng said:
'i joked' but this isnt a joking matter under Any circumstances. You Are saying that either their relationship wont last, or that your coming BIL is exploiting your brother, both Are serious accusations. Even with no suspicion, prenups need to be brought op delicately because they Arent the norm. YTA.
Ma_Ma_Ma_My_Sharona said:
YTA. You were absolutely out of line! Your brother is a grown, 28 years old, man. He doesn’t need you to tell him how to spend his money.
Hopefully during the wedding planning process she'll be able to keep her little comments to herself? Let's all light a candle for this newly engaged happy couple.