Bride hurt BFF planned baptism day before wedding, then is ‘too tired’ to attend.
As we build our lives, different life events become more important to us than other.
But, one bride is feeling insulted that her lifelong best friend would prioritize any event over her wedding. Her BFF knowingly scheduled her son’s baptism the day before her longstanding wedding date. Her best friend expects her to be there for her son's event, but says she will be too tired to attend her wedding the following day. The bride is obviously upset because her bestie has known about the wedding longer than she’s been pregnant. She is struggling with the whether or not to tell her that she'll be hurt and disappointed if she doesn’t show up.
AITA for being upset with my friend for choosing her son’s baptism instead of my wedding?
I (F32) have a lifelong “BFF” (F32) - she and I have gone through all of life’s ups and downs and still remained dear friends.
Almost three years ago I got engaged to my fiancé (M34) - we wanted to have a big party and because of Covid (my fiancé is an expat) we decided to wait to get married until 2023. We settled on a date in April ‘22.
BFF since met her amazing boyfriend & she’s just given birth to their beautiful son here in February. He is healthy and an amazing little guy- I love him to bits.
Last week BFF invited me to his baptism and told me some news - they’ve chosen to have their son baptized the day before my wedding (so the baptism is on a Friday, my wedding on a Saturday) and she was “pretty sure that she wasn’t going to make it to my wedding because she will be too tired.”
In the moment I could only focus on telling her that I was looking forward to the baptism, so I didn’t mention anything about her not coming to my wedding. Since then I have stewed it over a bit and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I’m actually very hurt by what I feel is a belittling of my “life event”.
I am not a parent myself, so I am sure that there are some unwritten rules for parenthood that take precedence over friendship & I understand that they could have chosen that particular date for sentimental reasons. However, I feel like she could have made arrangements with her boyfriend for the day after & that they could have planned better.
I feel like she views my wedding as insignificant compared to their baptism, even though both events are important happenings in our respective lives. I feel like she’s using her son’s baptism as a bad excuse or she’s struggling with something and isn’t telling me about it - and it sucks that she hasn’t thought of this.
I have asked for advice from some of my friends, on whether or not I should bring this up to her and most have outright told me that it’s wrong of me to even want to bring up to my friend that I would like to see her on my wedding day even if she is tired.
Just to add, I have already been called an a**hole by my other friends, for even thinking about bringing it up which is why I don’t know if I even should be mad/upset about this.
I think I should have added that the wedding isn’t until first weekend of July - I would not expect her to be ready for a baptism this fast, much less a whole day event like a wedding (which I don’t expect her to attend the entirety of).
We have also gone to great lengths to make the first part of our wedding child-friendly (the ceremony and the reception) since we are in our early 30’s and have many friends that are either pregnant, parents to newborns and toddlers or people who just have children. Our friends have been encouraged to bring their children so they don’t have to worry about finding a sitter.
So, am I the a**hole for wanting to bring it up to her that I’m disappointed that she’s dropping out of my wedding, because her son’s baptism is the day before? That I’m hurt that it feels like I am supporting/showing up to her life and her major events, but she doesn’t support/showing up to mine?
Here is what readers had to say:
NTA: Her excuse is she will be too tired from an event the day before? Which she planned after already knowing your wedding was the next day. Sounds like she is using her child as an excuse to getting out of your wedding.
It’s interesting she “already” knows she will be tired the next day. It hasn’t happened yet. She can’t know that. OP NTA.
NTA. I cant quite understand being so exhausted from a baptism that she couldn’t attend your wedding. I can see her not staying long but to not come at all seems strange to me. In the end, her scheduling is her decision and her not coming to your wedding is her decision also. But I can understand your being hurt.
It may also be that finding a date that worked for the maximum number of people in her family just unfortunately fell the day before her friend's wedding.
Planning any major family event (particularly if you have a large and/or religious family) can be a huge pain the arse and at the end of the day she may have chosen to prioritize her son's baptism on a day as many people can make it over her friend's wedding. It's a clash of the milestone moments and it does happen, however unfortunate it is.
Hard to judge this one for me as a consequence.
I have two kids and my youngest is absolutely exhausting on regular days, so whenever we go to an event forget about it, I’m absolutely dead tired afterwards and usually need the next day to just chill tf out and recoup.
It happens every single time, so I already know after going to any event with my kids I need the next day for myself and my family to have a lazy day.
But yeah with that being said I would like to know the reason OPs friend didn’t just choose another day for the baptism…
Honestly I wouldn't go. Just tell her with your wedding the next day you will be too busy and want to be well rested for your event. Wish her well and tell her she will be missed on your big day and then just let it all go.
People change. Priorities change. No one has to be as excited as you for your own life events. The timing is definitely suspicious but like I said before I would just let it go. And definitely don't go to the baptism.