'AITA for getting my co-worker fired because she was pretending we were dating?'
"AITA for getting my co-worker fired because she was pretending she was dating me to her family?"
So, This last week I got a coworker of mine fired for misconduct. I don't feel bad but my coworkers are now up in arms saying who ever did this is an a**hole.
So, my ex-coworker used to be a good friend of mine. I met her when I got a job here about 3 years ago and we hit it off. We were extremely close friends and I had misplaced trust in her. One thing she liked to do was take photos of us together and post them on snapchat and facebook. I never thought much of this and thought she was just sharing what we did like a normal person would do. I was wrong.
About a month ago a man randomly reached out to me. He claimed he was my "girlfriends" brother and that he had finally tracked me down. Through a long back and forth it turns out that my coworker has been pretending to her family and friends back in her home town that I was her boyfriend.
She had a second facebook with her original name on it and had constructed a weird narrative in which I was her boyfriend. She claimed I was "old fashioned" and didn't use social media to cover up her lie.
This is f%^$#@g creepy, right? I documented and archived everything and corrected the record with her brother before reporting this all to HR. I didn't feel like confronting her (I honestly didn't feel like talking to her at all) and distanced myself immediately. She picked up on this quickly and started to post on her second facebook that I had broke up with her.
HR immediately transferred me away from her and kept us apart at all times. I'm guessing they told her what was going on as her facebooks disappeared over night and she began avoiding me like the plague. It was to late though as this monday she was fired for inappropriate behavior. From what HR and others have told me she will never be working in the field again.
HR has kept this as quite as possible and has not leaked any details to anyone. The only thing my other coworkers know is that another coworker reported her for misconduct out of work and she got fired. Most on them are angry about this.
The current opinion is that who ever did this is a spineless asshole who just ruined a girls career for "nothing". I'm never going to come out about this and have asked HR to never mention me because of this. So, am I the asshole here? I feel what she did was wrong and she deserved it but am I wrong?
MORE INFO:
Since this question has come up, i'll explain a little of my relationship to her. We were strictly friends. There was nothing romantic or sexual between us at least as far as I could tell. I am somewhat a bit naive sometimes ((like using :hit it off" without realizing it's romantic connotation) but there was nothing there but friendship.
We were good friends (from what I thought at least) and hung out quite a bit together. But like I said, there was nothing between us but friendship. Also, some have asked why I wen't straight to HR and did not talk to her. On her "real" facebook she had used my real name and identifying information about me, this is how her brother tracked me down.
This fake relationship stretched back 2 years and had very personal information and facts I shared with her in confidence along with very weird constructed situations she had made. One example was a picture I had sent to her while at home sick she then turned into a dramatic story about how I was in the hospital and she was caring for me.
Another is how she took a story I told about my valentines date and replaced my then girlfriend with herself. This is why I went to HR.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Alex-Murphy said:
NTA and do your best never to let it out that it was you who reported her. If it does get out, you have plenty of evidence to show them why you did it but in the meantime let it blow over and move on.
Wikidess said:
NTA - I assume your coworkers only feel that way because they don't know the details of what she did. I think anyone who hears the story would understand how...concerning this is.
kashikoicat said:
NTA It was not your decision to fire her; it was your employer's. You were documenting and reporting sexual harassment and there is no shame in that. Your coworkers likely don't know the situation.
And if they did and still felt angry, would they feel so aggro about it if your genders were flipped? If you were a girl and a male coworker made a shrine of a Facebook, dedicated to your "relationship" and a whole fabricated second life starring you, people would say that the coworker was a dangerous stalker.
Your situation is no different. Many think that because women are generally smaller, we're less of a threat, but there are other kinds of threats.
Sometimes it's easy to be angry at an anonymous person who "wronged" a well-liked person whom you can see and talk to. When you actually see the other party's face, though, you realize each are people and may give each more consideration.
That your coworkers are angry at some anonymous blank face, when they don't know how personally your privacy was violated, is not ideal—but I can see where it comes from. The anger will die down with time. Just keep doing your best until then, and know that you're not an asshole.
ggapsfface said:
NTA. She is forking creepy.
katiecakesinc said:
NTA. You took a scary stalker-like situation to HR. It was absolutely the right move.