18 bosses share the best and worst excuses that employees used to call out of work.

Being a boss isn't always a glamorous life of corner offices and holiday bonuses, sometimes it feels more like being a glorified babysitter...

Who among us hasn't spun up an elaborate lie to get out of going to work on a Wednesday after staying out until 4 AM doing karaoke? So, when a Reddit user asked, 'what is the best/worst excuse an employee has used for wanting to call off of work?' managers everywhere were ready to share the funniest fibs, chaotic stories, or most ridiculous reasons for needing a day off. Sometimes honesty is the best policy...'I don't want to.'

1.

He sent a text 'my engine has kittens'. Then a picture of a kitten in under his car's hood. Apparently a cat had had kittens in his car and he had to carefully extract them. - Maeglom

2.

About 15 years ago I was running a fast food restaurant and had this lady that worked for me that was a really good employee. She never called out and always did a great job so when she called out, I was really worried.

She called at around 9 am and said she wouldn't make it in today. The call went about like this:

Employee: 'Hey boss, I ain't coming in to work today' in a nervous voice.

Boss: 'Are you ok? You've never called in before'

Employee: 'Yeah, the doc says I'll be fine. I was bleeding out of my butt hole last night so I went to the ER. They said I had a fizzle or something like that. I guess I have two aholes now'

Boss: 'Umm, feel better and let me know when you can be back'

She healed up and came back to work about a week later and I never could look her without thinking of her saying she had two aholes. - ainkor

3.

Years ago I had someone call in and tell me that they couldn't come to work this week because they were grounded (they were 25 years old at the time). I told them that this wasn't an acceptable excuse and that they would be expected to work their scheduled shifts.

So he put his mom on the phone and we had a nice long chat. He did live at home and she was grounding him and said if we couldn't respect her parenting decisions then he quit. I kind of felt bad for the kid - smedynski

4.

Background: I used to live in an very rural area. The worst excuse I ever heard was this 17yo kid who had his friend call in claiming to be his uncle, to say that he was needed at home because the cows had gotten out and needed to be rounded up.

The manager that took the call told the employee: 'I don't believe this for a second, but I can't stop you from leaving.' He stayed and finished his shift. - mike_b_nimble

5.

I have two from the same employee: she called in one day because she didn't have any clean shirts for work. I told her to come in anyway and I'd give her a new one. The very next day she called in because she said she was at the lake and sat in an ant pile and couldn't come in because she had ANTS IN HER PANTS!!! - jonbyars06

6.

I used to work at a well-known multinational coffee chain whose name starts with 'S' and ends in 'tarbucks.' The stores are open on Christmas Day, but no one can be scheduled for the shift, you volunteer (good pay and crazy tips so they usually have no problem).

Anyway, this one guy from another store volunteered to work Christmas Day. Christmas morning, the store gets a phone call from his MOM saying he's not coming in, because she doesn't want him to work on Christmas. - mrtatulas

7.

Best: 'I just bought a monkey and he's suffering from separation anxiety every time I leave the house' - this person actually followed up the next day with pictures of her monkey.

Worst: 'It's Tuesday, F Tuesday' - Fantago

8.

oooooh the call-ins. -Had a guy call in because 'the weather is too nice and I don't want to stop drinking'

-Had a guy call in because he ran over an armadillo. It did actually total his car.

-Had a girl come in crying, asking to leave immediately because her SO was in the ICU, I had another employee drive her to the hospital and the only other person not scheduled that night wouldn't come in because it 'wasn't her problem and she just didn't feel like it.'

-One girl couldn't come in because the taxis were 'running late.' She lives a 10 minute walk away and there is also a bus, but she won't take public transportation.

-Another girl called in because she had too many hickeys and we had already written her up for working with hickeys. - IWantAPuppyArmy

9.

I had an employee tell me he had to go home because he had an abscess on his gum. Curiously I asked if he could show me. He had a fat chaw in his lip and claimed that was the abscess. I literally face palmed.

Another employee said she was 'car sick' and couldn't come in to work. I replied 'you mean hung over'. She refused and really pushed to miss work. I worked a triple shift because of her. Thanks...Cassie! - thebarroomhero

10.

Discovered employee passed out on steps in a Casino, pants half off. wallet missing, hotel key missing. Wake him up. 'I'm sorry, I'm still too drunk to work today.' - grumpy-old

11.

Had a girl call and ask if she could come in late because she 'really wanted to make a steak and chill.' She came in when her request was denied and we got to use that phrase all the time. - Nosfermarki

12.

I once had an employee, an older lady, call to say she had stepped off the bus on the way to work, and then 'I sh%t my drawers.' We didn't make her come in. - Zoocat

13.

My deputy chief recorded a fellow coworker calling out during the Boston Bruins Playoff run, he called up at 1am completely hammered telling the deputy chief that he couldn't come in for his shift at 7am because he had 'BRUINS FEVER.'

He proceeded yell 'Its TUUKA TIME and hung up, my deputy chief was beside himself asked no questions and put him out sick - [deleted]

14.

Working in tech in California. I came in one day and my boss told my a coworker won't be coming in any more.

I asked why and he said, because of the nuclear power leak in Japan after the earthquake, she was fearful of radiation coming overseas, so in urgency they jumped on a plane and went to the east coast for safety.

She asked permission to work abroad, my boss said we can give you one-two weeks there and she said no. Never saw her again. They didn't have any job out there, I don't know what they did. They did have a kid to feed though. - sn00kie

15.

When I was managing in a fast food restaurant this one guy told me that he NEEDS to go home early!

I asked him why and he said because RAW (wrestling) was on tonight then he explained to me who was fighting and then told me the story of why they were fighting using quotes and sound effects. He was 43 - Ghost3741

16.

I had a girl call in and say she'll be late. I say no problem, we're not busy. She gets there and I mildly inquired what happened... 'omg there was a sale I couldn't walk away from at Platos closet.... I've been there all morning!' My face must have been priceless. - goombadinner

17.

I used to answer the management line as I worked the night shift and people would call in early to say they weren't in. There were lots of people who'd clearly been on a night out and got in at 5/6am and just call in sick. The best though was a guy whose conversion went like this.

'it's Bob (he wasn't really Bob) I'm not going to be in today can you let my manager know?'

'Yeah sure, what's the problem?'

'I'm in jail, they've got the wrong person, they should've arrested my brother but they don't believe I have a twin. I'm using my one phone call to let you know I probably won't be in' - lungbong

18.

I once had an employee call in because he 'woke up in poop.' There's no recovering a conversation once those words are uttered. - DiamondLightLover