'AITA for refusing to go out with my sister when I'm a guest at her house?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to go out with my sister when I'm a guest at her house?"
My sister has just given birth about a month and a half ago and I went over to help her with the baby/house chores since her husband couldn't take a leave from work. The problem is, my sister is an extremely outgoing person and loves going to places/trying out new things.
Me on the other hand, I'm burnt out and all I'm thinking about for an outing is how I will be carrying the stroller across the long metro stairs, the baby needing a diaper change and us running to the nearest toilet, the heavy traffic, the loud noises, in short I see it as stress and a chore, not something I'd do out of enjoyment.
For several days in a row now, I've been holed up in my room and refusing to go out with her while she goes alone. Today, she told me we will just go to the nearest park and that it's unhealthy for me to stay cooped up in the house all the time.
I declined again and she became upset and said she wasn't in the mood to go out anymore. She said why was I even over if all I wanted to do was to stay home, that she was depressed and I'm making her feel worse. I told her she can always go by herself and leave the baby with me but she said that defeats the point of having company.
She grumbled about no one caring about her and went into their bedroom and shut the door. I've been thinking maybe I should've just suck it up and just go with her but I don't know why she insists on me going out too when I said I'm exhausted. Idk, AITA?
Info:
I'm doing all household maintenance and cooking except for folding their laundry, cleaning up their bedroom, or grocery shopping as her husband takes care of these.
Some nights when I hear the baby crying and none of them woke up I go feed him and put him back to sleep. During the day, we can both be in the house and I'd be the one changing him up sometimes.
When she's out I watch him. When she needs to go to her doctor appointments I go with her and watch him outside. When we went out on outings before, I'd take care of the stroller and carrying the bags.
Here's what people had to say:
KarmaWillGetYa writes:
YTA. You're there to help. Help includes her getting out of the house with the baby. That's what people do with babies - take them outside, especially to the park. Fresh air, sunshine, etc. I could see if it was just one day and you were tired and not up for it, but not multiple days.
It sounded like she was trying to compromise by going to the park, not out partying, long trips etc. Even a walk every day down the street would be good for all of you. I've noticed even when I'm exhausted, getting outside for a bit really helps me feel a bit better. If she's dealing with post-partum, it especially would be good for her.
Bumbie_Boat OP responded:
We went out every single day and I'm tired. I'm going home. She should find someone able to help.
keesouth writes:
Because it seems like you're hurting her more than you're helping her.
Bumbie_Boat OP responded:
I see. I'm going home.
TeaLoverGal writes:
YTA, it doesn't sound like you are helping her a trip to the park is fairly low effort.
Bumbie_Boat OP responded:
I'm helping out with things she has to exert physical effort to do like cleaning the bathroom/mopping the floors/doing laundry/cooking and going with her to her doctor appointments. I work freelance and it hasn't been easy to do this.
TeaLoverGal writes:
And when on trips with the baby, she has to exert physical effort moving the stroller up steps etc. It's nice to help but you are playing martyr.
Bumbie_Boat OP responded:
Why not call someone else to go out with her? Why do I have to be the one to do everything? I want to help but this is my bandwidth right now and I'm telling her it's been stretched thin.
Ihateyou1975 writes:
NTA. You don’t want to go out and you don’t have too. You gave her choices. You are there to help with the baby. Not her going out.
Superlemonada writes:
Dude, it would have been a GODSEND when I was a new mom if someone took my newborn baby and told me: you have an hour to yourself to walk around. NTA and you don’t have to go out if you don’t want to. You are there to help with the baby. I would have been so happy for an extra pair of willing hands when I had just given birth.
Update from OP:
I tried to knock and talk to her but she still won't talk to me so I wrote her a letter and slipped it underneath the door. I'm on my way to the hotel until my flight is up (we live in two different countries so sorry, the kind suggestions for coming once a week...etc are impossible. Once I'm gone I'm gone for a good while.)