Man says girlfriend can only have girls' night at his house if he's invited.
At what point in a relationship does 'mine' become 'ours?' When you get married, when you move in together, or when you become exclusive?
It's hard to put time constraints on things that usually evolve naturally, but I think it's pretty safe to say, not many people are comfortable handing the keys of their home over to someone they've only known for a few months.
Reddit user u/Personal-Listen-4941 is in hot water with his girlfriend of four months because she wants to use his house for a girls' night party, without him. He said no, but now he's turning to the internet to ask if he's the a-hole.
AITA (Am I The As*hole) for refusing to let my GF host a Girls' Night
He writes:
Bit of backstory. I (M35) Own a house (mortgaged) and I live there alone. My GF (F31) rents an apartment and lives there alone. We have been dating for about 4 months.
My house is a lot bigger and nicer than her rented apartment. We hang out at my place more often than hers but she does not live with me nor are we close to moving in together. This is also the first house i have owned and she is my first GF since i bought the house.
So a few days ago we were at my place, my GF asks me if I had any plans for a Saturday in three weeks' time. I don't and she replies she's wanting to invite several of her female friends over for a get-together and would I mind?
I say no, it'd be nice to meet some more of her friends.
GF then explains she meant she would invite some friends over by herself for a Girls Only night, and wanted to know if I would make myself scarce for the evening.
*Record scratch* Four months into dating and she wants to kick him out of his own house. Does anyone else see the hint of a red flag here?
I said I wasn't OK with her hosting a party that I wouldn't be attending at my house. I repeat that I'd be happy to have her friends over as a couple, but only if I'm part of the party. Because it's my house and I don't want a party, even a small one, held there without me
He said no. That's the end of it, right? Wrong.
GF gets upset claiming I am stopping her from hosting her friends because I know she can't host them at her place. TBF it's a lot smaller and badly maintained by the landlord. She claims I am being controlling and way too possessive over the house.
AITA for not wanting this Girls Night in at my house, or am I in the right here?
He added some more info to clairfy:
EDIT: I just want to clarify a few things from the comments. Thanks for all the opinions and responses so far.
I am not significantly richer than her.
Of the friends that would be coming, there would be about 6 invited, so not a full house and I know 2 of them already.
She has said that she will be bringing her own booze and stuff rather than using my food & drinks.
She is not threatening to break up with me over this but she has definitely been giving me the cold shoulder for the last few days since the argument
I don't think she is cheating on me, nor do I think this is her way of bringing a boyfriend in to have sex. Logically if she was going to sleep with someone behind my back there's far easier ways to do that
The reason she wants me out of the house is that she plans on her friends sleeping over. I have a spare room with a double bed and a separate air mattress. Those along with her and a friend sleeping in our bed means that all 6 of them can get drunk and spend the night. She has done similar one at one of the guest's houses whilst we have been dating
My Dad lives about 10 miles away. Occasionally, every few months, I'll plan on spending the night there so we as a family can have a few drinks and not worry about getting home. So me spending the night elsewhere is not a huge deal itself.
At the first glance of his story, I was ready to deem this guy 'The As*hole' right out of the gate, but once I found out they've only been dating four months and don't even live together, I changed my tune real quick.
Also, he only knows 2 out of the 6 friends. There is no way I would feel comfortable turning my place over to a bunch of random dudes who wanted to party and snoop. As for the girlfriend accusing him of being possessive of his own house, she has some nerve, that's for sure.
I declared this boyfriend 'NTA' but what would the experts on Reddit say?
projextd says:
NTA. It’s been 4 months. She is awfully entitled awfully fast. On top of that, no means no. She is bold to continue to push the issue after you’ve declined
Prize-Storage5575 adds:
Did anyone else see the part where GF claimed OP to be 'awfully possessive of the house'? OP owns the house! NTA.
shymermaid11 writes:
I was ready to be mad but then he said 4 months and he doesn't know 4 of them? That's gonna be a hell no. NTA
Izzy4162305 agrees:
NTA. Controlling and possessive over the house? Well, yes. You are the homeowner. TBH there are some red flags a-poppin’ here, such as not respecting boundaries or property. Kind of a good thing you aren’t moving in together.
rmric0 makes a point:
NTA. You haven't been dating that long and she doesn't live with you, she wants you to leave your place so that she can host friends that you haven't even met? She and her friends can rent an Airbnb or something, you aren't responsible for hosting them or that her place sucks. It's not her home!