Bride's fiancé returns wedding dress behind her back; she's furious.
A lot of little girls dream about what they will look like when they get married. How they will style their hair, what their wedding dress will look like, and more.
Reddit user u/Sealine5033 was one of these little girls. She dreamed of looking like a princess on her wedding day, but she never dreamed her groom would return her dream bridal gown behind her back and keep the cash. Needless to say, she's livid at her fiancé.
She's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The As*hole) for going off on my soon-to-be husband for returning my wedding dress?'
Me (f29) and my STBH (m33) are getting married soon. Wedding planning has so far been going alright except for a few things he and I argued about like the venue and flower girl. Now we've been arguing about my wedding dress.
This might sound clichè but ever since I was young I dreamed of having my own beautiful wedding dress. I can afford it but my STBH thinks it's not okay to waste a couple of thousand on a dress I'm only going to wear once.
Yes, he might have a point there but for one, this is the typical price for wedding dresses. and two, because it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing then why not make sure it's special?
STBH still wasn't convinced and suggested I rent a dress instead of buying one. He started saying that I'm being irresponsible with money and brought up how much money I've already put aside to 'rent a face' (he means makeup) and wear 'fake' hair (he means extension) but I have this vision of what I want to look like, so to speak, on my wedding and I think that it's my right as a bride.
I went ahead and purchased the dress but a day later I found out that it was missing from my closet. I freaked out but he told me he returned it and got the money back. I was shocked I asked him why he did that and he said he thought the dress was ridiculously expensive and that was wasting money and AGAIN suggested I go rent one.
I blew up and went off on him which I've never done before. He literally took a few steps back and told me to calm down. I said he had no right, I'm the one paying for the damn dress. He got upset and said that there's no 'I'm paying for it myself' in marriage and that my attitude is setting the tone for what type of dynamic we'll have in our marriage.
He kept on about how I must expect to him to pay for everything while I keep 'my money' or spend it irresponsibly (but I never tell him how to spend his money.)
I responded that he gets zero say in how I spend my money whatsoever. He told me that I should grow the f up and stop with the 'dream wedding dress' clichè then stormed off to call his mom who chewed me out saying she won't let me ruin her son's financial stability with how I deal with money generally.
She too urged me to rent a dress or buy a cheaper one, way cheaper than the one.
I could barely read this post due to all of the red flags popping up and blocking my vision. Belittling her, insulting her, and stealing from her are all valid reasons to end this relationship before she's locked into an unhappy marriage with an abuser. If this is how he's acting before they're married, I hate to imagine what he will do after they say, 'I do.'
Even if this woman gets her dream wedding dress back from the store, there is no way this mean and controlling man could ever be her dream groom. She's 'Not The As*hole' but she will be one to herself if she doesn't break up with this jerk immediately.
Reddit users agreed wholeheartedly. Run girl, run.
NTA. Personally, I wouldn't marry this man. He's very controlling. Also, I hope he gave you your full refund back.
Maybe the theme of the wedding is Red Flags. The bridesmaids will wear red. The groom will have a red suit. And the aisle will be lined with increasingly big red flags until she reaches the altar which is actually just a tent made of one giant red flag.
Personally, i think she should call the cops on the man who stole several thousand dollars from her instead of marrying him, but that's just me.
NTA. I’d say leave & sue him for the money he CLEARLY stole from you.
NTA. But please, hold, pause, press the button. There are some serious red flags here that you need to look into more closely before you get married.
You had a disagreement. You and he are obviously on two sides of this issue, but he took it upon himself to force his solution to the situation. That is problematic.
Where is the money that he got back on the dress? Was it returned to a credit card? Is it your credit card? Was it cash? If so where is the money? This is important to establish. You said that you spent your own money on this dress. Has he taken that money for himself? Has it gone back to a joint account? Important information for you to have.
His mother has put herself in the middle of this argument, not unsurprisingly on the side of her baby. Does she often do this? Do you want to live the rest of your life with her interfering from outside in disagreements that belong squarely within the circle of your household?
I am begging you. Look into this more deeply. Do not sweep this under the rug. I know we are taught that marriage is the end-all and be all for women, but please do not rush into past indicators that this marriage might be a very pretty trap for you.
If you marry this guy, it won’t just be the wedding dress. It’ll be cute outfits, jewelry and makeup. Items for your hobbies. Monitoring your credit card and bank history and telling you that you spend too much money going out with friends.
Do what you want but you’ll be signing up to be controlled and financially abused if you go ahead with marrying him.
Yes! THIS!!!!!!!! I was married to a financially abusive man. My money is HIS money and his money was HIS money. Money given to me as gifts was HIS money. I had to pay his school loans and work, but couldn't purchase things I wanted. We were at KMart once and I put a $5 pair of tennis shoes in the cart. He took them out. I couldn't have a fing pair of cheap tennis shoes.
I had to secretly put things on the credit card to have an outfit to wear at the graduation ceremony of the school I put him through. I got shoved into a chair for buying a dress. STOP!!! Don't marry this man. He will only get worse. It's him and his mother against you. The GINORMOUS RED FLAGS here are like reliving what I went through. Don't go any further!
Wtf it's YOUR money. It belongs to YOU. What he did is essentially theft and you could sue him for it. You should really think about getting married to a man that is:
Extremely controlling
Shows no respect for you
Dismisses anything YOU like
Blackmails you by withholding money
If he is that controlling BEFORE the wedding, I really don't wanna know how he will be after the wedding. NTA. Pls girl, RUN!