Man admits, 'I love my 8 yo daughter, there's just one problem.'

"I love my daughter, but..."

First, I would like to say that I (M39) love my daughter (F8) like nothing and no-one else in the world. I'd kill anyone that hurt her and I've always and will always be next to her.

I still remember when she was this tiny little thing, one year old, and said her first words!

The problem is, she hasn't stopped talking since then! She is 8 years old and I think there are very few people in the world that can match her WPM (words per minute) rate. From the time ahe wakes up until the time she sleeps, she is talking. Sometimes, she talks in her sleep!

She will spend 45 minutes explaining to me why Elsa handled things wrongly or 2 hours telling me the 'drama' in her class. The drama of that day!

Yesterday we were in the car and she was going on for 30 minutes about something that happened at school. She then asked me for my opinion. I lost her after the first 5 minutes! All I could hear was static after that! She got pissed and decided to spell words backwards for the remainder of the trip! She proceeded doing that for another 30 minutes.

Sometimes when there is no-one around to talk, she talks to herself! She even role plays arguments.

There are times I feel like my ears will bleed. When she was younger, I would trick her to play the 'silent game'. Doesn't work anymore...

Last month, the school headmaster invited us for a talk because my daughter was bullying another boy. I know the boy, he is double her size! I went in ready to fight and defend my daughter. She said she never bullied him and that they were friends.

We sit in the (male) headmaster's office with my wife and he proceeds to explain that my daughter followed the boy around for a whole month at every break and during the PA and TALK to him.

The boy asked her many times to leave him alone, but she didn't. For a solid month she would always stay next to him and talk to him. One day, the boy broke down and started crying. They had to call his mom to pick him up from school.

My wife was livid! She defended my daughter. My daughter said she always saw the boy sitting alone so she wanted to cheer him up. Not bullying.

I locked eyes with the headmaster and looked away. What should I say? That I am with the boy? I am a bit jealous though. Unfortunately, I cannot call my mom to pick me up when she is talking to me. Although, sometimes, I wanted to cry...

I am thinking to buy a PS5 as an apology to that boy for Christmas... And some earplugs for me...

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top comments and responses from OP:

fraonwh writes:

I was the same, down to having a favourite person to follow around and talk at every break time, and yeah currently being assessed for ADHD.

If you can, explore this with a doctor. If I had known at 8 what I’m about to have confirmed at 38 I wouldn’t have felt so isolated, different and broken my whole life.

OP replies:

Oh my god! It's good to know there are others. Did that person break down in tears? We've already taken her to a child psychologist and she had some tests that haven't showed anything.

The doctor gave us some exercises and some key points to check. She is able to follow rules when set (no talking at church or during homework), which the doctor said means she has control over it. She just loves talking...

quart writes:

As someone who is also a late diagnosed adhd female, who spoke incessantly and had questions about everything as child, I’m not sure I agree with your daughter’s psychologist. The fact that your daughter has control over her excessive talking when specifically asked is a sign of her learning to mask.

If you have the means to take her for an adhd evaluation with a second consulting psychologist, preferably one that specialises in adhd, I would strongly recommend that you do.

ahga78 writes:

this just sounds like undiagnosed ADHD. it comes out differently in girls so it’s always overlooked because it’s primarily studied in boys. get her checked (i’m not a professional though).

but the main issue is you need to be teaching your daughter about boundaries, reading the room, and finding value in silence. those are lessons I learned at her age that are valuable regardless of whether you talk a lot or not. code words for when she begins overstepping her talking time could help too.

basically, you need to explain that her behavior is a problem and will continue to get her in trouble and alienate her socially, and then work with her. i’m assuming you’ve spoken with her before, but you’ve gotta stop allowing her to talk overtime.

nip it in the bud as soon as it gets to be too much so she can get a feel for how long is normal. the trick is doing all this WITHOUT discouraging her from speaking her mind.

OP replies:

We've taken her to a child psychologist and she did some tests. They cleared her. The doctor said that she is not impulsed to talk, she simply loves to talk (English is not my main language so I apologise if I can't convey everything).

Also, there are situations where we've set rules of no talking and she can follow that. When she is doing her homework, when in church, when studying her piano, she is not allowed to talk. And she doesn't. The doctor said that the fact she can follow those rules is another plus but we'll monitor her.

freag7 writes:

Oh... my.... god.... was this written by my father and transported forward in time many many years?

I did this... right down to the spelling words backwards (I still love speed spelling conversations...). I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was 30 and had my second child, but ADHD and ASD are both being treated now (for me a combination of therapy and medication, but not necessarily needed for everyone!).... I wouldn't be surprised if one or both account for what is going on.

Please please please from the little girl that couldn't *not* talk... seek help / counseling / evaluation! I wish so much that I had been acknowledged, recognized, and diagnosed as a child and had been given the option to be more "normal" and less lost and alone.... because inside...

I was hurting a LOT and that didn't come out in all that talking.... everyone thought I was the happy-go-lucky little girl that talked all the time. And inside, I was begging for someone to see me and help me.

Maybe it isn't something that needs treated, maybe she is the perfect ray of sunshine. But at least have her evaluated.

I'm so sorry about your situation and I give kudos to you for not simply yelling at your daughter to "shut up" like a lot of parents would do but this twist right here:

She said she never bullied him and that they were friends. We sit in the (male) headmaster's office with my wife and he proceeds to explain that my daughter followed the boy around for a whole month at every break and during the PA and TALK to him. The boy asked her many times to leave him alone, but she didn't. For a solid month she would always stay next to him and talk to him. One day, the boy broke down and started crying. They had to call his mom to pick him up from school.

vaotean7 writes:

This twist was so well written, I couldn't stop myself from chuckle while reading it... and yes, the whole situation is so sincere and filled with good intentions when seeing through your daughter's point of view but so aggravating through your and the boy's point of view that it becomes so absurd...

you can't say anything about it... so again, you're an awesome dad for not straight up yelling at your daughter and not hardening her heart in the process.

She may have ADHD or some other issue that unbalances her need for speak and messes with her social interaction. I'd give it a shot.

OP replies:

Thanks for the kind words. There is a story behind that boy. He used to be more outgoing and playing with the rest. However, his parents are going through a nasty divorce and he moved in with his grandma. He closed up and would stay in the class during breaks and not talk to anyone.

My daughter doesn't know about the divorce side. But when she saw him every break sitting alone she tried to get him to go out and be as before. The intention was nice.

Only problem was that she didn't stop when asked to stop and she didn't talk to us about it (besides talking about everything else). When I asked her about it, she said he seemed so sad and alone she couldn't leave him alone.